


You Don't Understand My Silence

by 1Blue_Sun1



Category: GOT7, VIXX, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Being Lost, Child Neglect, Cutesy, Depression, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Hospitals, Illnesses, Insecurity, Lol the end couple is a secret il update ALL THE TIME DONT WORRY, OT7, One Big Happy Family, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-02 03:44:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 30,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11501079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1Blue_Sun1/pseuds/1Blue_Sun1
Summary: Please sign this petitionPlease sign this petition  as wellHelp Jonghyun^^BTS Jin has always been called the untalented member.  The one in the background. The member with no purpose. No matter how hard he tries, it never changes.No amount of begging and pleaing will get him the attention he deserves, yet he never gave up. Why should he? BTS is his life. Until one night when his world comes crashing down.When the weakest vocal turns to silence as a means of coping, all hell breaks lose.Is Seokjin destined to a future of silence or will he overcome his fears.my instagramMy twitter





	1. The Under-rated

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Love and Appreciate](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11440233) by [RosellyJin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosellyJin/pseuds/RosellyJin). 



_"No, start again. Your voice is too bland and it doesn't fit the song. Start again."_

Jin listened as the music teacher cut through his heart. That's all he ever said to him, too bland, too coarse too unprofessional. Jin could count on one hand how many times the producer had complimented his singing. This wouldn't be surprising if he was a strict teacher, or if he recently started working with the group, but with the knowledge that the same man had been teaching him since he started made Jin yearn for the praise the other members received.

 _"Maybe we should give these lines to Taehyung. Or maybe Jungkook. They seem to be better at it. It's the best for the group. Okay",_ the producer said in a cool voice, he was nonchalant as this was a common occurrence during album preparation. Jin bowed his head in shame.

Those words had taken another blow to Jin's already fragile ego. The loss of the few lines would mean his voice would be only heard for another couple of seconds. But it was supposedly best for the group, as Jin knew he wasn't hitting the notes correctly, which could mean he would mess them up during a live performance. So with a regretful smile, he turned his body to face the producer and said a feeble " _yes_."

So Jin sat in the small uncomfortable groove of the armchair whilst the other members recorded their lines. The stress was eating him alive: how would he execute his solo perfectly if he couldn't instead those simple lines properly?  
  
For many months he had been writing and producing his solo piece, Awake. A house ballad that spoke of all his pains and worries. His endless suffering. It talked about how he could never be as good as the rest of the members, but he never let that stop him.  
  
He had tried multiple occasions to produce beats, lyrics, dance moves, anything. Yet 90% of the time he was met with a decline. For being told to sit and look pretty to being offered a sponsor there are very few drawbacks Jin can look back on and confidently say they helped him grow.  
  
After being told he was too pretty to be smart and become a doctor he dropped out to become an idol. Yet he still suffered. His handsomeness was a sin.

Many people would call him vain if the EVER voiced that out. But it was the truth, his face was a sin. Ever since he became good looking, people would judge him based on his looks. Whatever he achieved, the stigma that his visuals helped him stayed close by his side and Jin could never get rid of it. Living in a country where life revolves around your face, he couldn't be more tired. Good looks get you certain jobs but they drag around jealousy and black looks. Looks Jin will forever wish were admiration instead.

The constant conspiracies that Jin manipulated his way to fame always hurt bus head. One cannot look good without there being a catch. No one knew this better than Seokjin.

 

 

 _"Cheer up hyung, I promise you will get more lines in the other songs, and me and Tae will be willing to share our lines during the performances,"_ Jimin tried desperately to lighten Jin's exceedingly dampening mood. Bless the child, though, always trying to help the other members. A true [Angel](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/9b/2e/02/9b2e02038fb3a0dd5c56651fecb4274e.jpg).

He ways felt like he wasn't good enough for the group. Event he simplest lines that didn't require a professional were always given to Jungkook, the line that could easily be given to him. Whenever he questioned the companies choices, the always newer would always be _"Jungkook fits the lines better, he executes it the best"_. But wasn't Jin's role in the group a visual, the one who performs the most aesthetic parts?

At a time like that Jin's body would fill with jealousy and longing for attention. The attention that any other member certainly make a would receive. However, no matter how much his jealousy thrived, he could never hate the poor child. The small, lost kid he spent years taking care of and nurturing. The same kid that belittled and pestered Seokjin daily. The same kid that made fun of his age and preferences. The same kid that sized him daily and made him feel pathetic.

Despite the arrogant child being constantly up in his throat, not one single cell could hate him. Every time he burst in front of him, he would be reminded of the small Kookie staying on the footsteps of the dorm, all fragile and bare, looking scared and vulnerable as he gazed at Jin with hope.

It was no secret in bangtan how on multiple occasions, Jin had approached either namjoon or a senior and questioned whether it was right for him to be debuting. Even before their debut, he wondered how relevant he was in the group, whether BTS would still be standing with a Billboard award if he wasn't in the group.

Even before debut, he felt like a shadow, and even though Namjoon comforted him many times and said the fans would adore him he wasn't shy to the constant [hate](http://68.media.tumblr.com/715ed5f067a7651f00e2c1755e1908b6/tumblr_olnp2a8dNd1vj6agko1_r1_1280.jpg) he would get over his voice _._

_"HE'S the visual?! What is bighit thinking, it's obviously the maknea line",_

_"They only gave him that role because he can't do anything else, how pathetic_ ".

It wasn't the fact they [insulted](http://68.media.tumblr.com/f873865932a6862b26b4e379cc486ab9/tumblr_n5my4rJdOL1rw5s69o1_500.png) his looks that hurts him- everyone is entitled to their opinion-  but the fact his only purpose into the group was why he got laughed at.

He couldn't say he didn't expect the hate. Just the opposite. However, no amount of pep talks and meditation could've prepared him for the hurricane known as social media and keyboard warriors. He had no other achievements in the group. What could he say?

 

Acting. Jin could act. There had been many times he had tried to persuade his manager to consider getting him a part in a movie or drama. Many idols became famous that way, and it would benefit the group massively. Despite him begging to and pleading and reasoning and asking and suggesting, it never worked out. 

 _"BTS need to focus on the music right now, we need to hit it big",_ so due to this Jin accepted Bang Shiyuk and decided to wait patiently.

However, his heart died a little when poor sweet Taehyung walking into the dorm just TWO weeks later with the biggest grin on his face and even bigger news.

Jin tried to act nonchalant when Tae revealed he was cast for [Hwarang](https://0.soompi.io/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/02183903/Kim-Taehyung.png) as a supporting role with many other admirable actors. But deep inside betrayal and insecurity were forming.

Wouldn't ARMIES support a drama regardless of who was acting? Or was everything biased?

But despite his worries, he continued to support Tae as much as he could because he was another [Jungkook](http://pm1.narvii.com/6387/62be3d4a5c9b6679093499700be6931395fd9386_hq.jpg), a small child that Jin would never stop protecting. Ignoring the pain and questions, he strived to support Tae and make a name for himself by spending hours putting notes on the script and crafts the right and mount of emotion so Taehyung could flawlessly unleash his inner Lee Minho.

His efforts didn't go to waste and Tae never forgot to thank Jin whilst the drama became a huge success. 

Even though that was the outcome Seokjin felt his worth falling and opportunities slipping away.

All that was left was to bear it. He was a crucial part in Bangtan.

 

 

 

                   Right?

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my instagram](https://www.instagram.com/the_art_of_kpop/)


	2. The Destuction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get really ugly.

 

* * *

Jin tried to sing the lyrics one more time, but it ended up with failure again.

" You should practice hard like Jungkook, then you'll be as good as him, " the music teacher had scolded him. Did he not realize that Jungkooks level of singing couldn't be reached through just practice?

Vocal range, voice pitch, tone, sound, and genetics also came to play as well. If talent in singing came from how much you practiced, then Jin was sure his voice would rival Whitney Houston's by now.

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

Work. Work. Work.

That was the only single thing going through Jin's head. he had been practicing dance for nearly two days straight.

_"He can't dance, look at him. He has nothing apart from visuals."_

_"He doesn't even have visuals"._

 Even though it pained Jin to say it, he was the least talented member of BTS, and he would never forget it.  
  
Why did Hitman Bang give him a place in BTS? The place was arguably Hyukoh's. When he questioned the CEO,  he was informed there were too many rappers. But wasn't BTS a hip-hop- genre group? What was the point of him being there?  
  
He wasn't talented, he knew that. Many times he had been told he fitted the role of a family man or a CEO. He could still remember the shock and disbelief he faced when Seokjin told his family he was going to become a singer. His father had questioned him many times whether it was a good decision and whether he would be successful.  
  
Singing is a huge passion of Jin's, and no one could tell him otherwise. The concept of being an idol, a person people looked up to was all the too tempting. He wanted to inspire people. The man people wanted to be. The man people envied. But that doesn't seem to be happening, the other members seem to overshadow him. 

No matter what, he would always support them. They deserve the world. And if their happiness meant that Jin was underappreciated, then so be it.

The only thing he could do was practice. Practice. Practice. Be the best, dance better, achieve his dreams through hard work.

That's all he ever wanted.

He had been in the company building for over 30 hours, with hardly any breaks. The exhaustion was excruciating, his whole body was numbing. The last time he ate was nearly 14 hours ago, and all it was was a couple if biscuits, bit enough to survive. His limbs were about to fall of yet he couldn't stop. His movements were still stiff and not fluent. 

He had to practice more.

During practice, his bladder let out a call, which signaled he needed to pee. With reluctance he went to the toilet, knowing very well those few minutes he spent there could be used to perfect his flow. After he finished he walked back towards the studio.

 

 ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

As Seokjin was entering the practice room he heard voices in the studio nearby. Curiously, he approached the door, surprised to hear his members in there.

 _"Just give the lines to Jin_ ", Jimin said, " _he only has four words in this title track." Jin shuffled on his tiptoes. Why were they talking about him now? Should he go in?_

 _"But Jungkook has those lines, "_ Namjoon reasoned, " _Jin can't sing it as well as him"_.

" _The public doesn't know that though",_ Jimin insisted,"  _no one will know the difference, just let him. His singing is good enough. Please!"_ Jin still wasn't too sure exactly what was going on. From the looks of it, they were discussing the line distribution. Without him _. T_ his irritated him slightly. Actually,  slightly was an understatement.  He was really irritated. He was about to walk in and scold them for not including him when he heard the next comment.

" _We need to come out the best, clear, sharp vocals. Nothing should go wrong. We need perfection. Not just a simple 'good enough " ,_ Yoongi, the perfectionist, argued. The words slightly stung. He wasn't good enough, was he? He was aware of your Yoongi's strong desire to be perfect. After years of being belittled due to his dream, he always felt pressure; but did he have to be so cruel?

" _Let him",_ Taehyung insisted," _BTS is a group, a family. Who cares if we don't reach perfection. There will always be something missing. Our teamwork and equality are WAY more important. We are a family, and none of us should lack closure."_

 _"Don't you think I don't know that",_ Yoongi seethed," _I was one of the first people in the group, I have been here through thick and thin. Don't you ever doubt I don't know the meaning of family"?_ The bite in his voice was frosty. Even from behind the door Seokjin could feel his deathly glare.

 _" Then let Jin have those extra lines,"_ Taehyung persisted.

 _"I can't_ ", Yoongi spat," _it's our seniors' decision who gets the final lines, not mine"._

Jimin cut him o _ff" but you can try convincing them, they listen to you becau-"_

 _"THERE IS NO POINT, HIS VOICE WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH!"_  , [Yoongi](http://pa1.narvii.com/6403/8659bbb1a9de2d840641ca55ca869206ef162522_hq.gif) screamed.

The intensity of his voice felt like an electric shock through Seokjin's body. Harsh. Painful. Numbing. So that's what they think, Seokjin thought ruefully. A flurry of shouts could be heard from the door, but Seokjin was too heartbroken to listen to the replies. He stumbled back until he was halfway down the corridor. After lingering his gaze on the door, he turned away. He couldn't bear it.

All he would've heard were mutters of agreement. And Seokjin's heart was too damaged to listen. Did they only think that? Do they even want me in the group? Am I a burden? The voice in his head was rapidly filling with doubt, every wrongdoing was going through his life.

The condom. He remembered. That one incident two years ago where fans spotted a condom in the background of his photos. The scandal left a huge imprint on Bangtan's reputation, damaging it for the briefest time. Although it was miniscule, the memory still haunts Jin to this day. A failure. I am a failure.

The words were ringing through his head at a blinding speed so much that he didn't notice the studio door opening. By the time he had realized, Namjoon was in front of him. The shock on his face mirrored onto Seokjin. He couldn't bear the weight of the stare he was giving. Them pure intensity made him cower with fear. A failure, he thought, they think I am a worthless failure.

" _Joonie, what are you do-",_ Suddenly Yoongi walked out of the room, surprise evident in his features. His appearance was slightly disheveled and crazy. Jin took another step back. One glance had Jin reeling with hurt and betrayal.

" _Hyung are you ok ,"_ he heard Namjoon ask, worry laced in his voice.

Wide-eyed, Jin uttered the word " _sorry, I need to go home and rest_ " before dashing away from the building. Too much shame and humiliation evident to face his members.

 _"Wait! Hyung wait! You gorgon you bag",_ he heard Jimin shout desperately, but Seokjin's mind was too occupied with the thoughts of failure. They didn't care, they hated his voice.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my instagram](https://www.instagram.com/the_art_of_kpop/)


	3. The runaway

Jin stumbled all the way to the dorm room; his face was swollen from crying the whole journey back. With rushed movements, he packed his face cream and toothbrush into his ready-packed suitcase for when they traveled abroad. After less than 5 minutes he was rushing out of the building.  
  
He couldn't stay in the dorm, his pride was hurt and betrayal was a deep wound etched into his heart. He couldn't bear to face the humiliation of seeing his members. They said it themselves, he wasn't good enough.

He couldn't face them again. Not like this. So with the last drop of energy in his body, he traveled to the nearest cash deposited and took out 4 million won in cash. They could track down his credit card and find him. The idea scared him. As of today, he wanted to be lost. He wanted to play a game of hiding, where seeking didn't exist. He wanted to be a shadow. He wanted to lay low.

 So that's exactly what he did.

Jin ran crying towards the nearest taxi. The sudden exercise left him winded for several moments. Since when did he become so weak? The driver stopped and Jin threw himself ungracefully onto the backseat. An 'umph' sound was made as he did so.

He blindly asked the driver to take him to the nearest motel. The driver showed annoyance but at this point, he honestly couldn't care anymore. He just had to get away.  The car stopped in front of a dingy Motel, one Jin would've never entered before. But today was a special day. A day where all of Jin's pride had been thrown out the window.

He rushed inside to avoid the thick veil of rain falling from the sky. It was almost typical, he discovers his members' hidden hatred and now the night is cold. The reception of the motel was old and dingy. A stale musky scent hung in the air, itching at Jin's throat and activating his hayfever. The receptionist paid him no mind as he dropped the thick wad of cash in his hand. He seemed slightly intoxicated and starry-eyed as he wrote down Jin's preferences: No room service or cleaning.

After paying for the next week, he dropped onto the motel bed and cried himself to oblivion. The sheets were dirty but that was the least of his worries. His life was spiraling out of control before his eyes, and all he wanted was to sleep through it. The night was spent listening to the arguments on the top floor. The anonymous shouts and brutal insults cut into Jin despite their unknown target. He couldn't sleep and he was in agony. We peace and quiet too much to ask?

 

 

 ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

 

Yoongi was confused as to why Jin stormed off suddenly.

He hadn't been in the dorm for the past 2 days now he thought about it. Even he found it weird. Jin was the only member who kept nagging the other members not to overwork themselves. So it was weird to for him to be overworking himself. 

He probably went to the dorm, Yoongi thought. 

The first mistake Yoongi made was not following Jin. If he did, then maybe Jin would still be ok. Maybe then the group wouldn't have been in shambles.

The second mistake was not checking the dorm when he came back, instead of falling asleep the minute he entered the bedroom. He should've been the first to realize his absence. He was his roommate, a companionship that had one of the most special bonds. Now Yoongi looks back at his actions and forever regrets his slumber.

If the other members noticed Jin's absence at breakfast the next morning then they didn't show it. If they did, they were to sleep deprived to realize that something was very wrong. 

It wasn't until 3 days after Jin ran away that the members realized that Jin was absent. Maybe that was the saddest part. It wasn't until the choreographer questioned the members that they realized Jin's absence.  
  
_" I haven't seen Jin for some time,  did he go home",_ the choreographer questioned. All eyes turned to him at that remark.  
  
Hoseok turned around after finished the last dance move. Sweat was pouring down his face and the exhaustion was masked by his facial expression.

 _"He couldn't have, I swear he was practicing",_ he dismissed with work wave of his hand.  
  
_" No he wasn't, no one has seen him in the building for 3 days",_ the choreographer countered, he was starting to get worried, maybe he went to the hospital. Jaina had Ben looking slightly too pale and I'll for the last week or so.  
  
_" There may have been an emergency at home so he rushed there"_ Yoongi countered.

In all honesty,  Yoongi was the member furthest away from Jin, despite being his roommate and companion for almost 7 years. The distance was very subtle at first, but the soon took into Yoongi insulting or giving snarky comments whenever Jin asked him about the music or that he needed to come back to the dorm. The reason, no one knew why. Not even Yoongi himself.

His third mistake.   
  
_" Then why didn't he tell us before leaving"_ Namjoon questioned. Being the leader, he had to be thorough with the group. Let no man be left behind. Or so they thought.

Now they thought about it, Jin had been acting weird for the past week. He hadn't been as jolly and the food wasn't as tasty either, that's how you knew there was something wrong. Despite this, no member brought it up as they were all too busy with their own problems and thoughts to care.  
  
_"He probably forgot, "_ Jungkook brushed off. Despite the likeliness, if this being true was very low, he still acted nonchalant about the situation and turned his attention back to the mirror. Jin wasn't sloppy, he could look after himself. There was no chance this was serious.   
  
_"Yea, maybe"_ Hoseok replied. A slight waver in his voice gave away how uncertain he was.  Like always, Hoseok was the one to catch on to problems. He was always the first to know whether something was off, or if someone was suffering. This, like many other things about him, was a surprise as his perception outwitted even Jimin.

Nonetheless, he also failed to notice Jin's state when it first started a few weeks ago. Hoseok kept thinking back to this moment after the incident. Why had he of all people failed to notice Seokjin's meltdown?  
  
All the members knew it was weird for Jin to suddenly disappear,  and he couldn't have simply 'forgot'. Yet none of them dwelled on it, instead, they carried on as normal. Blame it on the exhaustion or their concentration, but what's done is done. They doomed Jin. 

The only people who had a second thought were Hoseok and Jungkook. Even then, it was just a mere glance. They were so certain it wasn't serious.

Maybe that was a sadder truth.

The saddest truth was if they managed to realize something was wrong, Jin wouldn't be suffering in silence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> incase you are wondering, the chapter will be updated every day, so please come back daily was new paragraphs and snipers will be added.
> 
> I am always contradicting myself so the chapter will never be complete until the next one is added.  
> This way there will always be something for you guys to read when you check back in
> 
>  [my instagram](https://www.instagram.com/the_art_of_kpop/)
> 
>  
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE KUDOS AND BOOKMARK
> 
> ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡


	4. The Relisation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BTSo realise Jin is absent.
> 
> And they get worried.

Jin woke up with puffy eyes and a sore body. He didn't realize the bedroom he was in  For a short moment he thought he ended up at some friends house,  only for last night's events to catch up to him.  
  
The epiphany made him cower in shame. Slowly, he curled up into a fetal position and layer there for all of the eternity. Nothing was going through his mind. He just wanted to disappear.

During his mental breakdown, he started to think about his future. Was BTS really what he wanted to do? Was this just a mindless dream like his parents had told him. He suddenly remembered his dad's words last year when BTS was starting to drop.  
  
Leave Bangtan.  
  
Go home.  
  
Become a CEO.  
  
  
There was no point in going back to BTS, not now after finding out his true worth. But in the midst of his thoughts, he couldn't help but feel a sudden hatred for his members. Why did they never think to tell him? No-one questioned Hitman Bang's decision for him to enter the group. So why where they degrading him now?  
  
So Jin lay there for hours, by the time he got up, it was 11 o'clock at night.  He had been doing nothing for almost a whole day.  
  
He still didn't want to do anything, yet his traitor of a stomach forced him to go shopping. Thankfully he was in a less crowded part of Seoul, a part where elderly people lived. This meant he could shop freely without worrying about the press. 

Right now,  he wanted to be alone. Completely. He didn't use his credit card for fear of being tracked down, the last thing he wanted was to be found.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆  
  
It has now been four days without Jin and the members were finally starting to notice.  
  
The members were in a state of slumber as they crawled out of bed for their half a day off.  
  
_"Didn't Jin hyung make breakfast,"_ questioned Jimin, still in his sleepy state. He rested his head on his hand and sleep on the table. If Jin was there, he would've been scolded by now.  
  
Namjoon lifted his head in shock, this wasn't like Jin. The first night Jin came to bighit, he had seen the huge stash of ramping and vowed to prepare meals for BTS every day to prevent them from living like 'poor people'.  
  
_"He must've gone home then",_ Jungkook supplied.  
  
_"He couldn't have",_ Hoseok countered, just having arrived at the scene " _We would know if he did, someone would've told us.  he's not in the studio, no one has seen him for 3 days yesterday. Our dancers and choreographer haven't seen him as well. I asked the receptionist to see if he signed into the building,  he hasn't recently."_  
  
_"Maybe he went out with his friends?"_ Taehyung asked. He was hoping Seokjin would come back soon. His pancakes were delicious.   
  
_"In the middle of album preparation? He would've definitely said something."_ Yoongi retaliated as he sits down. There was a crease on his forehead from concentration. Where was Jin?  
  
Jungkook stood up and silently walked to the kitchen,  checking all the cupboards for food. _" there's nothing to eat at all_ ", he moaned, dejected _" Jin hyung didn't go grocery shopping"._  
  
An uncomfortable silence filled the former. This definitely wasn't like Jin. If he was to leave the dorm, he ALWAYS without a fail would leave food behind for the other members. He swore on it.  
  
_"Guys I think we should go talk to Bang Shihyuk hyung. He may know where he is",_ Namjoon desperately tried to calm the members down.  
  
Forgetting about their day off, the members trudged to the studio to talk to the CEO.

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

  
  
_"You haven't seen him?" the CEO question in shock " how come? He lives with you!"_ The members shifted uncomfortably, the Realisation hit them. They live with him yet they couldn't have been bothered to check on his existence.  
  
_"We thought he went to see his parents,"_ Namjoon said. Now that it had come out of his mouth, the excuse sounded feeble and stupid. Jin would've definitely told someone if he went to see his parents, it was in the contract.  
  
_" Then get in contact with him quickly,  we have and with the tight schedule, we need him in the studio recording ."_ The CEO dismissed them with a wave of his hand.

the members started to become anxious. They had to find Jin in order to finish the album and move on to the next. They were now getting desperate.   
  
By the time BTS had reached the dorms, over 30 missed calls and 46 text messages had been sent to the Jin, yet none of them realised his phone was still in the dorm, where he dropped it on his way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my instagram](https://www.instagram.com/the_art_of_kpop/)


	5. The Panick

Jin woke up with a splitting headache. He woke up forgetting the contents of last night, only to be cruelly reminded by the multiple glasses of suju on the floor.  
  
Every particle of his being was sore from fatigue. As he ambled into the bathroom with clumsy steps, he had a huge urge to end his life there and then.  
  
Jin rested his hands on the edge of the sink as he looked at the mirror. The reflection peering back at him was unrecognizable. Deep purple bruises were slapped underneath his eyes, which gave him the worst hangover. His hair was sticky and lifeless, the chestnut brown now looking like a sickly brown color, the texture, and smell reminding him of dog poo.  
  
The man staring back at him was a stranger. Unrecognisable. An intruder. With pained steps, Jin entered the shower and turned on the steamy water. The heat lifted his worries (and his dirt) away.

What was he to do now? After unofficially leaving BTS, Jin had limited options on what he could do. Going back would be humiliating, but staying here would be a waste of time. Once again Jin was reminded of the betrayal he felt when Yoongi uttered those words. The pain, the numbness, the heartbreak. Everything he felt before enveloped him in a sudden movement. Tears prickled Jin's eyes at the memory. His throat constricted once again.  
  
He needed to practice and prove them wrong. With shake your hands, Jin exited the bathroom and started to put back on his dirty clothes. After haphazardly drying his hair, he started to sing.  
  
Halfway through the chorus,  his voice cracked painfully. The sound made a fresh new batch of tears pour out of his eyes. After a couple of minutes, Jin carried on singing. His voice cracked again. The feelings of failure enveloped him once again as he waited in despair. Only to start singing a few minutes later.  
  
The endless cycle of crying and singing went on until Jin collapsed on the bed with exhaustion.

  
  
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

_Jin waited anxiously as the producer looked over his draft. He had spent ages re-arranging it after he was met with failure. Ow, he was sure it was perfect._

_**" The song sounds too bland and mediocre"** the producer dismissed. Jin's heart sank **." Go back over and edit it again".**_

_**" But sunbainim! I have hope for this piece. Also, it's supposed to be our own creations. I truly believe that this song will succeed. I put my heart in it and I believe the public will receive it well."** Jin argued. This had been the third time he was met with failure. He refused to be turned on again._

_The producer sighed" **Maybe you're not cut to be a musician if you think this is good.** " Jin deflated. _

_How could the producer be so cruel?_

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆  
  
  
A full week had gone now without Jin being present in the dorms. The members were starting to get increasingly worried.  
  
_"Hyung, phone him again"_ Jimin insisted. His nails were bitten raw from worry.  
  
_" It's going straight to voicemail,  his phone is "_ Hoseok threw his phone on the bed, exasperatedly. Jungkook emerged from one of the rooms.  
  
_" isn't this hyung's phone, I found it on the floor",_ he said, the phone was thrust in front of Hoseok.  
  
_" His clothes are all on the floor, and some of them are missing. Hyung's suitcase is gone as well",_ Yoongi shouted from the kitchen.  
  
_" Where did he go then,"_ Namjoon asked. The more they discussed it the weirder Jin's disappearance got. A last minute break seemed too unlikely but a long-awaited holiday would surely be remembered red by the members.   
  
_"What if he got kidnapped?! Jin Hyung definitely would've told us if he was going somewhere.  He definitely got kidnapped! Oh my god! Was it a saesang! "_ Taehyung was in hysterics now. Hoseok looked at him, skeptical. Wasn't he being a bit too irrational? The kidnapping was too extreme.  
  
_"Calm down, we don't know for sure,"_ Namjoon said, panicking.  
  
With a dramatic wail, Taehyung fell on the floor _" poor hyung, all alone in the scary world! We NEED to report this to the police, hyung!"_ He screeched.

 _"That's a bad idea Taehyung!"_ Yoongi butted in. _"Let's ask Jaehwan hyung if he has seen him, and then a couple other people hyung hangs out with. If none of his hyung's friends have had contact with him then we will ask the staff at BIGHIT again. If we still cannot find anything we will contact his parents. I doubt we will have to phone the police at all."_

Taehyung looked at Yoongi dumbfounded. 

_"Oh"_

_"I heard him talking to one of his friends about how he missed them. Maybe they planned something"._ Jimin supplied helpfully.

_"Yeah, maybe"._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my instagram](https://www.instagram.com/the_art_of_kpop/)


	6. The Report

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bts member think jin got kidnapped.  
> They finally realise that Jin dI'd not juse simply go soemwhere. 
> 
>  
> 
> Jin starts to get ill

_" None of Jin hyung's friends have seen I'm him or talked to him in over a week, he hasn't signed into the building for over 4 days. And Jimin hyung said his parents have heard from in for about a week",_ Jungkook listed off in a monotone voice.  
  
_"How abou-"_ Hoseok started.  
  
_" No one has seen him hyung"_ Jungkook snapped in an irritated manner. He gritted his teeth and tensed his jaw." He either ran away or got kidnapped. There is honestly no other explanation."  
  
_" Maybe he went on holiday all by himself without no one knowing"_ Hoseok tried to reason. Jin couldn't have run away. He just couldn't have. The idea was an alien concept.  
  
_"Fine then. We'll ask Jimin hyung time go to the police station and have his credit card history checked then."_ Jungkook was now getting bored. In all honesty, he was annoyed at Jin hyung. Why couldn't he have just left a note or text message saying he was gone? It wasn't hard and would save and a lot of time and trouble.

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

The members were gathered in the living room. Yoongi and Namjoon had just come back from the studio and were exhausted. Expecting to come home with a ready-made meal, they had to participate in ANOTHER  meeting.  They were not happy.  
  
_" The police said the last time Jin hyung used his credit card or anything was 4 days ago. He used it to get 4 million won in cash",_ jimin pushed his lips after providing the information. The situation was going more downhill by the second.  
  
_" He got kidnapped"_ Taehyung shivered, _" the criminals held him hostage and asked for money, but Jin hyung didn't give enough so they kidnapped him"._

 The room tensed at Taehyung's words. Just a couple hours ago his reasoning would've seemed ridiculous, but now it sounded too close to the truth.  
  
Yoogi stood up abruptly _" phone the police",_ he started pacing the floor, a look of exasperation on his face. Namjoon hurriedly dialed the local police's number. _" tell them we have lost a member of our band"._  
  
**_" Hello, Gangnam Police Department. How can I help you?"_**  
  
_" We believe a member of the group Bangtan Sonyeondan is missing. The last time anyone has seen him was around 4 days ago"_ Namjoon dutifully reported. As a leader, this was his role. If Jin was missing,  his disappearance would be Namjoon's fault.  
  
_**" What is your relation to Jin?"**_  
  
_" I am his colleague, and band member"_ Namjoon replied.  
  
**_"Thank you. We will check your friends' details and come back to you within this hour. If he is indeed lost and we cannot find any track if him then our detectives and inspectors will be informed."_**  
  
_"Thank you. Bye"._ Namjoon's heart was in his mouth. The room was tense with silence. The situation had escalated from a mere question to a manhunt.  
  
Each and every member was thinking about the worst case scenario. For and all they knew, Jin could've been whisked to Canada, sold to a human traffic ring or sold in the black market.  
  
He could even be dead.  
  
No member dared to move from their place, they all waited silently for almost 2 hours. And all of a sudden the distinctive ring of Namjoon's phone could be heard. All of the members jumped at the sound, the sound ringing through their heads in an empty echo. Before anyone could react, Jimin snatched the phone and answered it.  
  
" _Yes_ ," he said breathlessly. The phone was put on speaker. Every member in he'd forward in their seats, waiting for a reply. Their heads were drawn to the phone like a bee to honey.  
  
**_" there has been no record of Seokjin for approximately 83 hours. The last sighting was 2 days ago in a supermarket in Incheon.  Besides that, we have nothing. No trial, no credit details, no public transport records. Nothing."_**  
  
_" There has got to be something"_ Jimin raised his voice to a shrill pitch," _you can't just have 'nothing', there must be something else"._  
  
**_"Would you like me to list his latest buys?"_ **  
  
_" Yes, yes I would like that",_ Jimin snapped urgently.  
  
_**" a carton of milk, 5 cups of instant ramyun, a pack of 20 water bottles, 3 packs of cereal, and a deluxe pack of crisps".**_  
  
_" I would like to report a missing person"_ Yoongi spoke up.  
  
_**" Would this be Jin?"** _  
  
_"Yes_ ".  
  
**_" A report will be made by next morning,  the search should begin by tomorrow night"._**  
  
" That's too late", Yoongi shouted _," can't the report and search start earlier!"_  
  
**_" I am afraid not. Is there anything else?"_**

"No thank you" Yoongi sighed with defeat _." guys, let's all sleep. Today has been stressful already. Let's all rest and think about it tomorrow."_

 _"No_ " Hoseok snapped all of a sudden. _" Jin is out here and he needs us. I refuse to relax not knowing about his state. We should have a search party. Check all the hotel and stores in Incheon, as that was the last place hyung was spotted, try to find a lead. Who is with me?"_

All the members raised their hands.

Let the search begin.

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

Taehyung and Namjoon phoned the hotels listed in Incheon, there were around 10.

 

_" **Hello** "_

_" I would like to ask is there anyone staying in your hotel under the name Kim Seokjin?"_

**_" As far as our database says, there is no-one under that name."_ **

_"Thank you, bye"_ Taehyung hung up. None of the hotels had Jin. A tense silence hung between the two. Taehyung's stomach dropped at the news, but he still had hope. If Jin hyung wasn't registered against his name, maybe he signed under another one? But how would they know which one? Taehyung deflated? His mind was rushing a 100 miles an hour trying to come up with something.  
  
_"Hyung I think I know what happened to Jin,"_ Taehyung said all of a sudden.  
  
" _What_ " Namjoon replied. He felt like ripping his hair out. As the leader g was responsible for the members. Jin's disappearance meant he failed them.  
  
_"I think hyung went to the supermarket to restock on food, and then when he was coming back he got ambushed,  so he took the money from the bank to get them off his trail. But they weren't satisfied so they kidnapped him"_ Taehyung shivered unconsciously, _" I hope they didn't hurt him"_.  
  
_"Let's hope he is safe then"_ Namjoon uttered. With the way things were going, Jin might as well be dead.

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

Hoseok phoned the only shelter in Incheon.

_" Would you by any chance have a person under the name Kim Seokjin in your residence?"_

**_" I am sorry but for safety reason,s we are not allowed to reveal the names of our residences."_ **

_" could you make an exception?"_

**_"I am sorry no"_ **

Hoseok grabbed his hair in frustration, there was no lead as to where Jin was. 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DEAR CONFUSED PEOPLE.
> 
> my writing omay be confusing as some people have pointed out. 
> 
> ALL THE MEMBERS CARE ABOUT JIN. THEY JUST HAVEN'T BEEN PAYIG ATTENTION TO HIS EXISTENICE AS THEY ARE TOO BUSY WITH THEIR COMEBACK AND ARE SO USED TO HIS PRESENCE TO REALISE HE NOT THERE.
> 
> That's all thank you.
> 
>  [my instagram](https://www.instagram.com/the_art_of_kpop/)
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE KUDOS AND BOOKMARK
> 
> ♡♡♡♡♡♡


	7. The Afterthought

_"You what!",_ Bang Shihyuk looked at Namjoon incredulously. His eyes were popping out of his face and his mouth was slack, with a thin sliver of drool coming from the side. It would've been comical if the situation wasn't so serious.  
  
_" We filed a missing report on Jin hyung because we believe he is missing",_ Namjoon repeated.  
  
_" And you didn't think to tell me or anyone before you did so?"_ The CEO used a scolding tone that only came out when he was disappointed. Namjoon's heart dropped.  
  
" We told our manager" Namjoon replied meekly.  
  
_" But not me"_ Bang Shihyuk stood up from the desk and walked around it to lean on the front. His arms were crossed. _" do you understand how serious this is. We are in the middle of album preparation and quickly running out of time. If Jin is actually missing then it will be broadcasted on national television. This will ruin the company's name and yours as well. People will speculate on how well we treat you guys and it will cause A LOT of hate. If Jin isn't actually missing then you will be in major with the police for a false report. "_

Namjoon didn't reply 

Bang Shihyuk sighed" _are you sure he is missing"._  
  
_" We checked every possible person. His family, friends, we even checked his credit card history"._  
  
_" Then we are in serious trouble"_

 

_☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆_

 

Jin woke up once again to puffy eyes, but this time felt a weird sensation. He groggily opened his eyes, peering down realizing that there was a machine in his throat. His eyes squinted at the blinding light coming from the window, hissing at the sudden shine. Despite the pain from the light, he reluctantly stood up and shut the blinds.  
  
Once he managed to close the blinds, he sat up and started to sing. After leaving high school, he had no ambitions, no dreams. But after an unexpected chance to join Bighit, he had suddenly become inspired to reach for the stars. This adrenaline further increased after seeing Namjoon's and Yoongi's love for music. But now his dreams seemed empty despite everything he had achieved.

 

 

 

 

_'He is really tone deaf, why did he become a member'._

_'After seeing him onstage I believe that ANYONE can be famous.'_

_'What a waste of space.'_

_Tears threatened to fall down as Jin once again read the hate comments_

_' I will become better, I will be the best'._

Jin repeated those words over and over, but no matter how much he tried, his voice kept breaking. The tune wasn't right and it only resulted in him sounding like a dying whale.  
  
He found it difficult to swallow, it was as if he had swallowed sand. His mouth was dry, nearly comparable to the Sahara desert.   
  
With uneven footsteps, he reached for a water bottle. He attempted to reach for it with shaky hands, trying to undo the lid, only to fail. With a painful cry of frustration, he tried again. And again. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the lid was undone and Jin gasped as he swallowed the water. In record-breaking time the water was gone.   
  
Desperately,  he stretched his hand towards another bottle, like a baby wanting their bottle. Seokjin realized that he has an overwhelming need for water. Although he had downed nearly 3 bottles of water, his thirst refused to go away.   
  
After chugging almost every bottle he had bought, Jin stood up to start singing again, only for a sudden dizziness to overcome him. A lightheaded sensation overcame him, causing him to collapse onto the floor. A piercing headache rang through his ears, and before he knew it, he let out an earth-shattering scream to rip out. The pain sliced through him for god no knows how long, he just wanted to rest.

 

 

 

 

The exhaustion and nausea ripped all over his body. With a sigh of defeat, Jin let the darkness overcome him.

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

"He actually got kidnapped? " [Wonshik](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/e7/66/1c/e7661c3947211b097456d9bb8fdc9464--ravi-vixx-cute-vixx-ravi.jpg) questioned Namjoon.  
  
Namjoon put his head in his heads." _Maybe, yeah"._  
  
_" Woahhhh I feel bad for you. The media is gonna blow up over this. Your fans are crazy as well, they will probably find him the same hour the news gets released. I feel sorry for the kidnapper, he won't know what hit him."_  
  
_" We didn't know for sure if he got kidnapped. All we know is that there is no trace of him. He could've run away."_  
  
_" If there is no trace of him then it means he's kidnapped"_ Wonshik deadpanned, " _I doubt he ran away, he's not the type of guy to make such rash decisions."_  
  
_" Thanks, dude,"_ Namjoon said sarcastically" _that reeeeeally helps."_  
  
Noises could be heard in the background of the phone" _sorry dude,  I have to go practice. Best wishes to finding Jin. Jaehwan will be devastated when he finds out. We'll keep an eye out for him. See you later."_  
  
The line disconnected. Namjoon sighed. It was Jimin's idea to warn all their friends about The Jin Hunt. They deserved to know before the media, they would feel hurt if they didn't.  
  
It had officially been ten days since the last sighting of Jin. Every hour made the members more anxious.  



	8. The Thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The members reflect on Jin.

The absence of Jin had affected the members terribly.

Just the other day Jungkook had smashed a plate in frustration. Even though the dongsang would never admit it, Jin was the member he looked the most up to. Jin had been babying him from the start, the most prominent mother figure in his life. Just like he had said before, Jungkook struggled the most when the member since suffered. Jin's disappearance is no doubt affecting him the most. Losing him was slide losing his family, the man had provided him with so much.

He very well knew how much a Jin spoiled him, the amount of money he spent could have brought a whole house by now. Just had Jimin had pointed out many times, he was arrogant and very cocky. He very rarely showed his appreciation for Jin because his ginormous ego wouldn't allow it. However, he swore he would bow down at Jin's feet and massage his legs if it meant he would be okay. He would even pay back all the money Jin had spent on him if it meant he could play with him one more time. He would never voice it out but Jin was the most important member to him. And maybe, just maybe, Jin thought of him the same as well. He hoped so anyway.

What nagged him most was Jin's role in the group. He wanted to be appreciated as much as the others. During their debut days, whenever jungkook managed to impress other people,  or did incredibly well singing,  Jin would treat him to some food and congratulate him. Nowadays he noticed he only gave Jungkook a smile and a small ' well done'. The smile never reached his eyes.

He and the rest of the members knew very well how insecure Jin was about his singing and dancing skills. Even though the members tried to help him a lot, Jungkook always became restless criticised his hyung.

Yoongi, not a lot could be said for Yoongi. He had been staying late nights at the studio, to scared to come home and face their dorm room. His bedroom was a painful reminder that one of their members was lost, his roommate specifically. He hadn't been taking care of himself at all. And dark stubble had taken over his face, deep purple bruises under his eyes, and dry chapped lips. He hadn't been eating regularly either, if Jin was here, he would've been scolded thoroughly. The though made an empty chuckle escape from his mouth.

He had no inspiration. Nothing. The days at the studio had been filled with staring at the blank wall, whilst an empty gaping feeling took over his body.

He was worried. He was scared. And he deffinately missed his hyung. Jin was incredibly important to him, and he would even admit that aloud if it meant he would return home safely. Unlike Jungkook who he thought of as a child he raised up himself, or Namjoon who was his work partner, Jin held a special place in his heart.

Whenever he was suffering or needed assurance, he would always without a doubt go to Jin. Maybe it was because he was as the oldest, the feeling of maturity brought him comfort. Or maybe it was because of his calming presence. He was the perfect roommate and he would never swap Jin for anyone.

Yoongi found it hard to trust anyone, showing people your weaknesses gave them a chance to hurt you, something he found out at a very young age. He trusted Jin, he trusted Jin a lot. Too much maybe.

Hoseok really cared for Jin. Not as much as Yoongi or Jungkook did, but still a significant amount.  
  
Jin would always timidly ask him for help during practices, too ashamed he couldn't perfect the moves on his own. Not once had Hoseok ever turned him down. To him, dancing was something everyone should get the opportunity to try. Something everyone should enjoy.

Even though this was the case, he felt sorry for those couple of times he snapped at Jin's for not meeting his expectations. He knew Jin tried his best, but sometime it would get on his nerves. He was incredibly sorry.  
  
Jimin, Jimin loved Jin with all his heart. Unlike the other members, he found Jin's dad jokes and dancing endearing. The said hyung was always warm and inviting to him as well. If he could find Jin right now, he would give him a massive kiss on the cheek and a warm, loving hug. He couldn't imagine what horrible things his kidnapper could be doing right now. And he didn't want to.

As long as Jin returned safely, and carried on spoiling him with love and kindness, he would be ok. Jin was his mother, his brother and his support. The few times Jimin broke down, Jin would always be the one to comfort and calm him down. He felt safe in the elders arms.

Namjoon. Namjoon felt like a failure. He was the leader of the group.  He was responsible for every one of them, meaning if they got hurt, he was responsible. When the members were distressed or insecure it was his job to comfort themto fulfil his duty as hyung or dongsang.  
  
Because of Jin's absence, he had failed to protect the group and their image. Out of all the members, he was the one who felt the impact the hardest.

  
Taehyung was the calmest of them all. Although he was the member to spectaculate Jin being kidnapped, he had faith. Instead of crying and breaking down, he was determined. Jin wouldn't disapear,  he will be found and he will carry on with the group. He wasn't dead, he wasn't hurt. He was alone out there. The kidnapper surely knew who Jin was, so therefore he wouldn't hurt him. The Black Market wouldn't like damaged goods, so it was unlikely Jin was hurt. Emotionally, maybe he is, but not physically. He had hope that Jin would be safe and return soon. None of the other members were in a state to be strong, so Taehyung took that role.  
  
Instead of crying and pining, he had messaged all his friends to search the building or hotel they were currently in. Incheon was the most likely place jin could be, however, there was a chance he was outside of Seoul.

 

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

 

  
The members had a meeting with the higher ups in Bighit that day. The process was grueling. For the past couple of days, multiple police officers had questioned them, their dorm had been searched and now another meeting. Being ask the same questions over and over again was exhausting, especially when the answers were always the same.  
  
" Have you guys had any contact with Jin so far?" Their manager questioned again. The question was stupid. If they had contact with Jin, he would've been traced and found withing half an hour.  
  
"No" they replied simultaneously. All the members were tired from nothing. Every passing day had them more and more unsettled about the future.  
  
Yoongi lifted his hand _" Jin's clothes have been taken down, his wardrobes a mess and a lot of it it missing."_

Everyone looked around in confusion. Yoongi had only gone to Jin's room last night for the first time since his dissapearance. Due to sentimental reasons,  he and the it her members struggled to enter their shared room without feeling empty. As Yoongi was Jin's roommate,  he was affected the most by this sensation. To counter it, his nights were filled with cooping himself in his studio. The nights were filed with watching countless Netflix dramas to full the empty silence in his mind. He found it almost pathetic how he never searched their rooms for clues.   
  
_" He may have been packing for a concert abroad"._ One of the managers countered all of a sudden, the idea was absurd. Every pair of eyes in the room focused on him, from the looks of it he knew it was a stupid conclusion.  
  
Yoongi shook his head _" his suitcase had been packed a week before his dissapearance."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will not say who the end couple is. 
> 
>  
> 
> It's a surprise.


	9. The News

 A faint buzzing could be heard in the distance. The sound was quiet but not quite enough for it not to be heard. It was getting on Jin's nerves. With difficulty, Jin opened his eyes. And gazed around his surroundings. The faint buzzing sound would not stop.  
  
The curtains were drawn shut and the room was pitch black, Jin reached for the light next to his head and turned the lamp on. The dreaded sound was still echoing through his head.  
  
It took him a few minutes to realize the sound was in his mind. He was beginning to get really uncomfortable. Slowly he supported his weight on his elbows and sat up. He remembers trying to eat ramen last night. His voice had been so sore and rough that every gulp of ramen felt like an agonizing poison slowly dripping down his throat. It took every once of his being to drink the whole pot. After, he severely regretted buying the hot chili flavor. The flavor had definitely left a bitter taste in his throat.

His throat felt uncomfortably dry and sore. Paying no mind to it, he tried to reach out for a water bottle to try and sooth the feeling, only to stop short due to the searing pain in his shoulder. He grunted at the sudden feeling, his body had severely weakened during the past few days. Bearing the torture, he reached up again and grasped the bottle like it was his lifeline. With unstable hands, he tried to drink the water, but he couldn't. Swallowing the water caused an immense amount of pain and suffering.  
  
He gagged and choked, every cough he made his throat scream in despair.  
  
Jin felt helpless. He tried to speak but all that came out was a pathetic squawk.   
  
No.  
  
It couldn't be happening now. For a short moment, Jin felt like he had lost his voice. How was he supposed to sign if no sound came out? With despair, he flopped onto the bed. The moment caused a jolt of electricity to shoot up his spine. He could not be bothered to care.  
  
Tomorrow he would wake up and sing again. He promised that.  
  
He didn't wake up the next day.  
  
Or the next.  
  
  
  
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆  
  
  
  
13 days. Jin was missing for 13 days.  
  
The other day, BigHit had released an official statement saying BTS's  Jin had been deemed missing for 12 days, in a suspected kidnapping. Over this news, the staff and BTS members had been swarmed with comments and questions.  
  
A huge controversy flew over twitter, where many armies uploaded the hashtag #savejin20k17. The news had been covered by FOX and the websites buzz feed and cosmopolitan. The funny thing was, the news led to BTS trending worldwide, which gained them almost too much attention. It was hectic. In less than 24 hours, the whole world knew Jin was missing.  
  
Bts couldn't speak to anyone outside their region and were banned from going outside to avoid publicity. Close singers and actors were contacting BTS frantically to find out what was going on. Among these texts were prayers and support.  
  
Jin's family was in distress.  
  
Armies were in distress.  
  
The news led to the biggest manhunt in Korean history. Students were skipping classes to search their neighbours houses and everyone in Incheon were ordered to have their houses thoroughly checked. Hotels, Motels, any business had to search their rooms for any sign of the singer.  
  
The world was in chaos.  
  
And in the middle of it, Jin was dying.


	10. The Find

Taehyung sat on the sofa. The tv was on and he was flicking through channels. Due to Jin's disappearance, he and most of the members had slightly developed insomnia. During nights, they would sit and stare at the ceiling with no purpose. Maybe it was the stress. Or the worry. All in all, his absence had lead to the members sleeping very late at night, no matter how tired they were, and then waking up early.

Actions lead to consequences, and very soon, the members were dropping like flies in the middle of practice. The exhaustion and inconsistent body clock their bodies to let out. The restlessness had taken it till on the members. Taehyung had noticed how Jimin's cheeks were more hollow, how Yoongi had only returned home once during the past week and how Namjoon kept walking in circles around the dorm. He just kept walking,  up and down, occasionally entering a room then abruptly exiting. His trips never had a destination.

He was now sitting in the living room with nothing to do. Taehyung had been awake for over an hour, had eaten, got dressed and was barely flicking through the tv.

Just as he settled on a channel, the familiar tune of his phone ringing was heard. Desperately he grassed the phone and looked at the ID. It was [Hyungsik](http://pm1.narvii.com/6392/1df91b4cd18d4aac2afad56627f11a7ecff69079_hq.jpg). His shoulders deflated, he was certain it was Bang Shihyuk calling for more information. What a shame.

 _"Hey hyung,"_ Taehyung said longingly. He trailed intricate patterns onto the sofa armrest with distaste. He couldn't sleep properly and now had mild insomnia. Jin was plaguing his mind. The poor thing. All alone with no one to talk to.

 ** _"You don't sound very happy to see me"_ ** Hyungsik replied in a playful manner. His voice was coated in a sickly sweet aegyo voice, one he insisted on babying Taehyung with. He had no qualms about it.

 _"I am sad"_ he grimaced. It came out more bluntly than expected. He played around with the small plate of scrambled eggs he had made. They were too freaky and weren't light and fluffy. Just like how Jin hyung makes them, he thought wistfully.

**_"Mmmm, I can see why. Any news on Jin?"_ **

_"No, and when I do I will report back fully to you first because you deserve to know before anyone else"_ Taehyung recited blandly. Why he wanted to be the first, Taehyung had no idea. Honestly,  he would tell Minho first,  as he was his devouring [Hwarang](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/38/c2/2e/38c22e2625e3f606c98fac573f5dc3b8--taehyung-family-kim-taehyung-hwarang.jpg) hyung, but he didn't have to know that.

 ** _"Ahhh, good. Stay safe and send the best wishes to Jin"._ ** Even though it was out of politeness, Taehyung's heart still warmed at the comment. Hyungsik was a friend of Jin's as well, he didn't have the brotherly connection Taehyung had with him but Jin was a familiar face to Hyungsik. 

" _Bye_ " Taehyung extended the word to make it sound light and sing-song.

He was utterly bored now. Seeing as BTS were barely allowed to leave the house and only went to train a couple days that week, he was getting an itch. Due to the busy schedule of an idol, rest was couple hours of sleep and power naps between performances. The pressure sure did build up in their bones but it was normal for them. For everyone. Rest that didn't include going home or on holiday was almost annoying.

As Taehyung hung up the phone, he heard someone enter the room. The other members must've woken up now.

"Hey Hyung, " he said without looking up. He was expecting to get a grunt at the most.

"Tae. " He looked up, the very awake voice and almost answered him. Standing in front of him was their CEO. With alarm, he jerked back in surprise. The CEO looked disheveled and unclean. His hair was messed up and the clothes draped over his body looked like they needed to be severely washed. His eyes were drooping and were still crusty. He wasn't even wearing proper shoes, just flip-flops. 

"Go get the others, we are having a meeting" he commanded, his voice sounded hoarse and lame but Taehyung refused to challenge his authority.

Taehyung scrambled up and towards the dorm rooms. Like a banshee, he screamed at everyone to wake up. After successfully managing t of wake Yoongi up (though it led to a lot of curses and threats) he sat down at the kitchen table.

Jimin was first to arrive, looking slightly disheveled but very much awake. Next came Namjoon, Hoseok, and Jungkook. Yoongi trailed at the back, a curse word about to leave his tongue when he spotted the CEO and abruptly closed his mouth.

The members looked at the CEO in mild confusion, it was uncommon for him to appear in their dorm. After everyone settled down, he went straight to the point and said something very shocking.

 

_"Jin has been found"_

 

  
The members were in shock from the words that left Bang Shihyuks mouth. Was it true? Had he really been found? Like moths to a light, the members leaned closer to the CEO, each of them opened their mouths and anti once the room was in chaos.  
  
**_How is he?_**  
  
**_What had happened?_**  
  
**_Is the kidnapper in prison yet?_**  
  
**_Will we get to see him?_**  
  
The white noise deafened the CEO for a couple of seconds. The racket was incredible, and he couldn't take it anymore. He took a deep breath whilst raising his arms in a 'silence' motion. The room automatically felt silent, they were all eager to hear what he had to say, eager to hear about Jin.  
  
_" He is in the hospital and was found alone in a motel in Incheon. We don't know of his condition or whether he was attacked or not yet, we will only find out after the doctors finish their reports."_ The room tensed. Jin was definitely hurt. if he wasn't, he wouldn't be in the hospital.  
  
  
_" Will we see him?"_ Jimin asked meekly. All eyes turned to him. Good question.  
  
_"Visiting hours are not till 9:30. Until then we cannot see him. At 9:00, your managers will come to pick you up. We will go to the hospital and assess Jin's condition before deciding whether he can be seen by you guys."_

Yoongi spoke up. He and the rest of the members needed to know if a bastard was responsible for their misery.  
  
_" As I said before, he was found alone in the room. We won't know if he was attacked until we get his condition report."_ The members leaned back in disappointment. 

 _"Sir, how long have you known about Jin hyung?"_ Jungkook asked.

"I came here straight after I found out. We will be releasing the news tonight but will not notify the public of the details until further notice. We need to get to the bottom of this first."

 

_☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆_

 

Hara rushed into her uncle's motel in excitement. after finding out about the devastating disappearance of Jin, she was incredibly inspired to unleash her inner Sherlock. She had been both praised and scolded for her alarming ability to suddenly have a passing for a hobby or activity. Many times Hara had found something interesting and become scarily devoted to mastering the said obsession and very quickly becoming a pro. This was until she got bored after a few months and latched onto something else. On the plus side, she knew basic sign language, could write and recite 5 different alphabets and could juggle 4 balls. 

 _"uncle, uncle, have you checked the rooms in the motel yet?"_ she questioned him.

 _"No, why would I,"_ her uncle looked up from the desk computer in confusion.

_"Because Jin Oppa from BTS is missing and all motels and businesses have to be searched for him"_

"So you want to search my motel? there is no point, I doubt he would be in this motel, it's too cheap for an idol like him." her uncle dismissed with a wave of his hand. Hara threw her head back in agitation and let out a slow groan.

"There is still a chance he is here though. and anyway, the idea of a famous celebrity was here would boost your business. even if we don't find him, at least we tried. cmon, pleaaaaaasssee." she gave him the cutest puppy eyes she could muster. after a long staring battle between the two, her uncle finally sighed and lifted himself from the desk. Hara squealed in delight. with defeat, her uncle opened a drawer and retrieved the emergency key they used that opened up every room in the motel and dropped it in Hara's palm. 

 _"Go search then, remember, it's 9 o'clock at night, if someone curses at you, you are on your own."_ Hara started walking away when a question popped into her brain.

_"I have a question, has any of the people who signed in been creepy or weird in any way?"_

_"No, not really, there was this one man who asked for no room service for the duration of his stay. he denied having the cleaners as well."_

_" do you remember the room number?"_

_" I think it was room 134, or somewhere on that floor"_

_" right, then that is where I will start."_

Hara walked determinedly up the stairs towards the room number. she was slightly scared something unimaginable may be in the room. She tried to delay the arrival as much as she could, but in no time, she was standing in front of room number 134. Now she was not so confident. With a deep breath, she unlocked the door and entered the room. The first thing she noticed was the room was dark. this meant the person was either out or sleeping. After scrambling aimlessly at the wall for a switch, she found the switch and turned it on. The room was cast in a pure white light, which momentarily blinded her.

When her eyes adjusted to the light, they grazed across the room. after scanning the messily prepared room, she was met with a dark body littering the floor. At the sight, she flung herself into the nearest wall and let out a high-pitched shriek. after several moments, she calmed enough for her to look a the man. Hara cautiously approached the body. after looking at the face, she realized with a shock it was the missing idol.

The said man's face was bloated and slightly tinged blue. his hair was messy and dark bags were under his eyes. his body was slightly curled up as if he was asleep, yet his appearance almost suggested otherwise. his appearance was deathly but still recognizable. With growing hysteria, she rushed downstairs and called her uncle. What else would a school girl do after seeing a potential crime scene?

 

 

 

 

the ambulance arrived at the scene quickly. with swift movements, Jin's body was placed on a crutch and quickly whisked out of the room. the lights brightened the streets of Seoul and the noise blasted from street to street; the noise warned everybody that Jin had been found.


	11. The Pharmakon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The members find relief but it ends in more worry.
> 
>  
> 
> Pharmakon-an antidote thats also a poison

Bang Shihyuk had been gone for almost half an hour yet his words still repeated in Namjoon's mind.  
  
**_"We don't know of his condition"_**  
  
**_"He was found alone"_**  
  
The new revelations had the members on alert. Each was trying to get ready as quickly and effectively all on ensure possible. They were going to meet Jin,  they needed to look put together to avoid disappointment and a scolding. Hoseok was in the shower with Jungkook,  Jimin was trying on various outfits whilst Taehyung commented on them, Namjoon tried to tame his hair and Yoongi just stared grimly at Jin's bed.  
  
By 8:30 they were all ready to go. 30 minutes until the managers picked them up and got to see Jin. The sight was almost comical, all the members were stood near the door, leaning on a wall, tapping their foot, they looked almost too ready to leave the building. Time was getting slower minute by minute. It was like a slow torture for all of them because they were so ready.

Finally, after an eternity, the door of their dorm opened to reveal their manager. The members abruptly stood up and simultaneously walked towards the door. Sejin took a step back in shock, they really wanted to get to the hospital, didn't they.  
  
All the members clambered into the car with no fuss. It was nerve wrecking, they were all going to find out about Jin before his parents, before the press. They were going to be the first. Namjoon's heart was pounding, he felt like as if he was skydiving. The apprehension was killing him and the rest of the members.  
  
Very quickly they arrived at the hospital, within a few minutes they were parked and now briskly walking towards the reception. Sejin sighed at the sight of the members. They were borderline running inside the hospital in a tight group. From what he could see, it was almost a competition to see who could find Jin first.  
  
Just as he arrived at the reception, the boy's started running towards an elevator, elbowing Sejin whilst doing so.  
  
"Sorry hyung, Jin is on the 3rd floor in room 29. We need to hurry" Jimin huffed over his shoulder. They were REALLY eager.  
  
All 8 of them scurried into the elevator, cramped in between each other with almost no breathing space. Jungkook pressed number 3 and the slowly ascended up. As soon as the doors opened, the members were once again tripping over each other as they tried to find room 29 first.  
  
Hoseok found the room, he screamed out so everyone knew. The members all piled up in front of the door. Each of their hearts was in their mouth, their pulses heating wildly as they imagined the worst. Images of Jin torn up, bleeding, broken bones and an unrecognisable face popped up in their minds. Now they were here, no one wanted to go in first. None of the members could fathom or stomach the fact that Jin could be bloody, looking like a shot from a horror movie. Their stomachs churned at the thought, especially Hoseok's.  
  
 Bang Shihyuk sighed and pushed past them into the room. Sejin followed after. Now what?  
  
Hesitantly,  Namjoon looked around at the member's faces, each pale and sickly. He took a deep breath and entered the room. Jungkook shielded his eyes and followed him meekly. Jimin held Taehyung's hand and both ventured in together. The door slammed shut after them, the hollow sound echoing throughout the hallway. Yoongi looked at Hoseok shyly.  
  
" I don't think I can go in, I might puke" Yoongi shuddered.  
  
Hoseok let out a hollow laugh" how about me, you know I hate gruesome things. Jin-" Hoseok closed his eyes." Go into here and tell me whether it's safe or not"  
  
Yoongi entered the room in silence, just as he was about to close the door, he yanked Hoseok harshly after him. He let out a yelp. The sudden strain of Yoongi pulling him had almost given him whiplash, with a huff he yanked his arm out of Yoongi's grasp and looked around. The room was white and smelled like bleach, the typical hospital smell. Everyone was circling a bed in almost a form. As the two approached the bed, their heart stopped for a couple of beats as they approached a potential crime scene. When they reached the bed, Sejin moved back slightly to let them peer at the silent figure on the bed. Jin wasn't bloody, he was just pale. Very pale. His eyes were closed and his face was adorned with a peaceful expression. The steady rise and fall of his chest gave Yoongi a sense of closure. Unconsciously, each of the members' breathing fell into sync with Jin.

Bang Shihyuk quirked his lips at the image of them. The view reminded him of Snow White almost nd he seven dwarves. His eyes were laying on a scene that 

Out of all the emotions they had anticipated to feel, they were fealing peaceful.  Calm. Jin wasn't dead, ofor suffering, he was asleep. In no time, he would be jumping out of they bed and shushing all the members whilst re-assuring them he was fine. He would tell them everything was a huge misunderstanding and everything would go back to normal.

 

It may have been wistful thinking but there was always a slight chance it could be true.  
Maybe it was because of this expectation that the members plummeted further.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

_" We had to perform an emergency procedure in Jin as his throat was inflamed. The inflammation was getting worse at an alarming rate so surgery had to be performed in order to avoid a possible tumour growing. After looking at his potential diet these past few days, he appeared to be severely dehydrated and his salt levels were shockingly high. It appears he has strained and ripped his vocals cords almost to the point where he becomes disabled. We are shocked at how he was still alive when we found him._

_If you want to keep him alive and healthy, I suggest letting him rest for at least 2 months. During those, one month at least should be spent in silence. After that month, we will assess his vocal chords and decide whether he is fit to use them again._

_We also found signs of depression and stress when we assessed his brain. This injury and the fact his occupation is a singer may lead to severe depression and insecurity. I recommend he goes to a therapist. From the looks of the damage, we doubt he will be able to sing or perform for another 6 months. Jin is currently under anaesthetic and will be knocked out for another 24 hours. If you have any questions, plead easy me later"_

 

The doctor left shortly after, leaving everyone to think over his words. 6 months. Jin wouldn't be able to perform for over 6 months. They were planning a comeback next month and Jin wouldn't be able to be part of it. That was a first. The idea of performing as six for not just one broadcast, but several tipped the members off. They would perform as a six repeatedly. They would appear on shows as a six repeatedly. Not only this, but Jin would be discluded from the album, as none of the songs recorded included Jin in them. As rather months would go by, the likeliness of Jin leaving the group would become more album nd more likely. None of the members would be able to bear with that. Years ago, back in 2014 when groups suffered the most, bts had watched their sunbaenims suffer and had promised to never separate until disbandment. Each member had swore they would never leave bts, never let personal greed overcome them and only become solos after they had separated. They knew greed would overcome them sometime, but heir bond was too strong. They were bts. It was 7 or nothing.

As each of the members reflected on this, they realised how low BTS could drop. Yoongi had and stil is suffering from depression, Namjoon And Hoseok have insecurities over their future. Jimin struggles with his body image whilst Taehyung feels he never does enough. Jungkook  just watches the disasters unfold, he never knows what to do so he tries to comfort the members. Everyone knew Jin wasnt too confident in dancing and singing,  always playing it off by joking around, now he couldn't sing, the insecurity would triple and he may just drop out. 

will we decide who stays then?"  
  
" rock paper scissors? "  
  
Bang Shiyuk sighed again as he watched the members sort themselves out. It's obviously they wouldn't listed to him, so he decided to filollow them.  
  
The members groaned in dissatisfaction as Taehyung and Jimin won the game, meaning they rightfully won the ability to stay with Jin.  
  
The members scowled in distaste as they filed out of the room. They filed into the car with many complaints, only shutting up after Sejin promised a visit tomorow.


	12. The Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jin awakes and is still moody. Taehyung and Jimin cheer him up and jinot makes a rash decisions that throws the members off a bit.
> 
>  
> 
> If the fic gets updated but there are no chapters, it's because I went back are nd proof read it and changed some errors. Sometimes newe passages are a rendered to link things so I would recommend skimming the most recent chapter for new parts.
> 
> ♡♡

Jin stirred in his sleep, a throbbing headache was starting to form. He felt a strange weight levels out on his upper things and a blanket covering him. His arms were freezing cold yet his body was burning hot. He could feel the cold sweat on his body persipitating and raising.  
  
He couldn't open his eyes, a white light was shining on them. The room was too bright. After trying to coax his eyes open, he gave up. The weight on his thighs moved slightly. His mouth felt dry and his nose was blocked. He took a sharp breath in and immediately regretted it due to the sudden dryness he felt. He coughed and spluttered ungracefully, trying to dampen his mouth. It didn't work.  
  
The weight abruptly lifted and he registered an object blocking the searing light.  
  
_"Hyung, your awake?"_ A soft whisper was heard. Jin automatically registered it as Jimin. His face was so close, he could feel the hot puffs of air fanning his neck.  
  
Jin tried to open his eyes, thus resulting once again in him shutting them tightly. He heard shuffling and suddenly the lights dimmed to a small haze. The shuffling headed towards him again. Jin opened his eyes, a very cozy looking [Jimin ](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/16/0a/d9/160ad9a84ee09dad2dc40f83435c12ba.jpg)was in front of him. He was wearing a black bomebr with stickers artfully placed on it, sliky black jogfers and slides. His hear was fluffed out and fanned ocer his eyes, making look like a liveing c[hibi](https://orig13.deviantart.net/3337/f/2014/285/2/1/jimin_chibi_by_allontop-d82mo3y.jpg). The minute they made eye-contact, Jimin had sent him a heart wrenching eye smile. Jin couldn't return one back. A small hand came up to his hair and started playing with it. The action calmed him down and was slightly therapeutic.  
  
" _We missed you hyung"_ Jimin softly whispered _" We were all worried,  we thought you had been kidnapped. It's good you are safe now"._  
  
Despite the raw sincerity in Jimin's words, Jin still frowned and looked away. He couldn't believe it.  
  
The dryness in his throat returned and once again he was spluttering. In a second, Jimin had poured a glass of water and was now lifting Jin's head in the direction of the cup. Greedily, Jin lapped up all the water and swallowed it whole. Every swallow hurt, but he could bring himself to care. After finishing the water, Jimin placed his head down.  
  
_" Would you like to sit up hyung_?" Jimin asked after a couple of seconds. Jin nodded. Wordlessly, Jimin helped Jin sit up, re-aranging the blanket and positioning the pillow as a headrest. Jin took his surrounding in. Everything was a glaring white colour. The room was empty, save for the 3 armchairs and table. The windows were closed and the curtains drawn. It was dull and uninviting.  
  
Jimin sat down and started playing with Jin's hand, he could feel the worry and care through the action. Jin gently squeezed Jimin's hand and looked at him with warmth . He couldn't muster up a smile as his heart felt dead, but he tried to show happiness.  
  
The door opened and Taehyung's head pooped in, his head looking down at his phone screen. Hastily, Jimin stood up and pushed Taehyung out, ignoring the surprised grunt.  
  
Jimin closed the door softly and whispered to Taehyung _" Hyung has woken up"._  
  
Taehyung widened his eyes, it was only 5pm yet Jin had already woken? He made a move to go inside untill Jimin yanked at him.  
  
" _listen_ " Jimin ordered," _Hyung does not seem okay so I don't think we should tell him about his condition yet. Just smile and be nice. I was just about to tell hyung he can't speak due to recovery, but I advise you to be as nice as you can. I don't think we should tell the hyungs,  let's just wait till they come tommorow. Okay?"_  
  
Taehyung nodded. He walked into the room silently and gave Jin his huge grin, the type he gave to hot girls. He gently approached him and lightly pecked his forehead. _" I am glad hyung's back, I missed your cooking ykow. Jimin tried to make japchae the other day but it failed. We still had to eat it to not waste food but I think it may have given me indigestion."_  
  
_" ya!_ " Jimin hit Taehyung's shoulder. he just grinned back. Jin quirked his lips a bit. He missed Taehyung. He listened to their endless chatter about the nonsense that happened in the dorm during his absence. Their effort made Jin feel loved and warm inside, those two really did love him. How about the others?

Would they be happy he was awake or did they enjoy his absence? Jimin kept mocking their leader for feeling like he failed the group, joking about how he kept on walking around the dorm breaking objects. Jin giggled at this, feeling happy in the inside due to Namjoon's heart. He frowned however, when they describe Yoongi. It saddened him that the younger spent all his time at the studio, instead of coming back home. He must've enjoyed the fact I wasn't there to nag him, Jin thought bitterly. 

The doctor had soon came in to check on him. According to him, Jin was able to be discharged by tommorow night. However little to no excersise was permitted and a full healthy diet was compulsory. During the checkup, Jin managed to gain two koalas on each of his sides. Taehyung had his head resting on Jin's collarbone with his leg propped on top of his knee whilst Jimin clung onto his arm. They kept on bickering and remiscing funny stories whilst Jin listened in content. One comment , however threw him off.

 _" Hyung I cannot wait till you get to go back to the dorm. Could you please make some of your army stew again please. Also, instead of sleeping with Yoongi, could we all had love one huge sleepover in the living room?"_ Jin widened his eyes. Crap,  he would have to sleep in the armed room as Yoongi. He wasn't ready to confront the man. He quickly scrambled for a plan and reached for his phone. As he was typing, both paris of eyes were watching his every move. He found it cute.

**_I would love to have a sleepover but maybe we could do it another time. I would like some peace right now. Jimin, would it be okay if Hoseok and swapped rooms. I think it would be better if I roomed with you as Yoongi may not stay in the dorm and I would get lonely._ **

"Ofcourse!" Jimin exclaimed and jumped off the bed," let me ask hyung now if he would be willing to swa-" Jin stopped Jimin and quickly typed:

**_I don't think we should tell them yet.  I would like to go bck to the dorm quietly. Don't tell them I can go back tommorow, you two and Hoseok can come with me to the dorm later. Let them find out by themselves._ **

" Oh, hyung why don't you want the others to know" Taehyung questioned. Jin just placed his index finger to his mouth as an answer. Taehyung finally understood. Jimin look at the phone screen, it was nearly 11 o'clock. 

"We should go to sleep now guys" he said. The others nodded as they got comfortable. Taehyung dressed of get off the bed and latched onto Jin like his life depended on it whilst Jimin busied himself on the recliner chair. Soon enough they were dozing off, leaving Jin alone with his mind.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

Jin stared at the ceiling in deep contemplation. The two dongsangs had been great to him, they neither questioned hills dissapearance nor forced guilt on him. He had just found out he was unable to speak and Jin was sad. Just sad, nothing else. He didn't want to speak, if he could live a life in silence he would. Singing now looked like a faraway dream and he had gone to accept that. He wasn't enough for the group and  it was only now he realised it. All those times their producer left him out of practice made sense now. From the start he knew he didn't have what it takes. All those yeas ago he had been naive and headstrong. His looks and voice had been complimented a few too many times and the expectation of being a celebrity hung over his head ever since adolescence.  
  
Over rather years he had become more confident in singing and dancing, yet the insecurity never left. It never died. He had painted this incredible mask of confidence and self-appreciation,  an understanding so believable that even his member who knew him in and out never doubted him.  
  
It was a lie though. He had never been confident. Not after closing this path of life. Taehyung was a better visual then him, Jungkook sang better, and Namjoon to control better. Even after 6 years he hadn't understood his role in bangtan, maybe he was a filler. He had always wondered why Jin was part of bangtan instead of , but now he realised why. He had left the group to pursue another career, leaving BTS with only 6 members, so Jin was added.  
  
He had always pushed himself to become the best, but now he looks back, maybe bts wasn't the right choice for him. He could go on to become an actor or a model. Singing wasn't the right choice by any means.  
  
Jin was glad. He wasn't sad at the epiphany, just relieved. He would soon leave BTS after his recovery. Sure, the members would be upset but after a couple months they wouldn't care anymore. He was so certain the members wouldn't need him that grief pooled in at the bottom of his heart. Leaving BTS would be like ripping off one of his limbs. The group was part of him and he so couldn't bear to rip them off in one swipe like a plaster.  
  
As the months will go by Jin will slowly separate himself from the group, slowly but surely, so when he resigned the members wouldn't even notice. As long as BTS rose to the top, he was okay. They wouldn't even have to stay in contact, as long as they reunited one day it would be fine. Jin couldn't imagine the pain and suffering it would cause but time was the best medicine and it was inevitable that bts would succeed without him.  
  
The doctor himself had said it hours before, his vocal chords were brutally torn to the point he may never sound the same again. Leaving BTS would dispose of his burden.


	13. The Surprise

The members walked into their dorm with their hearts in their mouth. Their moment to enjoy Jin's appearance had even short-lived after the relegation of his health. Jin couldn't sing with them Jin couldn't perform with them. There was no guarantee he could ever again.  
  
They were glad he was alive, meaning there was still a chance to carry on as 7, however, their next album would have to include him completely. Thankfully their title track had already been recorded, so Jin was still in one of the songs. However,  he had minimal lines in the track. At that moment, they regretted not giving him more lines.  
  
For the first time in almost 2 weeks, Yoongi entered his room. His bedroom was the nearest to the door, allowing him to quietly walk out the dorm total the studio. Softly, he walked past the bookshelf partition and stared at Jin's bed. It was like he never left. The bed was slightly messy indicating someone had sat on it and the drawers were slightly open. Losing his eternal roommate was like losing a limb. Unimaginable.  
  
He couldn't wait for Jin to return. They could lounge on Yoongi's bed like they normally did and Yoongi would moan about the members and everything happening in the past week. Since Jin was temporarily mute, I he could imagine Jin writing messages on his phone, his thumbs flying quickly to finish the sentence.  
  
The new that Jin could be slightly depressed unnerved Yoongi. He remembered their debut days when Jin was insecure about his voice and dancing. It was only at the start of 2016 that Jin finally gained confidence. For the past 2 months, Jin had been increasingly jolly and hyper. It was almost unimaginable that he was depressed or mental suffering. He couldn't believe it.  
  
He could imagine Jin being insecure during his silence, scared whether the pack of practice and singing would ruin his career. Yet it was unthinkable that he could be like that. He was arguably the strongest member mentally. If he tipped over, the whole group would be unstable.

 

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

Jin woke up when he felt the being next to him move away. He opened his eyes at the loss of contact. As he looked around the room,  he saw Jimin still asleep in a cocoon of blankets,  and Taehyung walking towards the toilet. The blanket was barely covering Jimin's arms and his neck was in an uncomfortable position. His face had puffed up during the night and the most endearing aegyo bags were uncovered. Miraculously,  his hair was still looking perfect, a soft poof of volume at the sides which made his face look rounder. Cute .Jin could feel the painkillers started to wear off as his body regained consciousness. As he lifted his head, he could feel a dull throb at the back of his head. He resorted totally down on his side for a couple of minutes until the urge to pee overcame him.

Taehyung had exited the bathroom and plopped himself on top of Jimin. His matching green pajama set contrasted with Jimin's yellow blanket and made the scene look like an HD photograph.  It was adorable, Jin couldn't help admit. One of his favorite indulges was witnessing the childish bromance they had. He always envied their age and tended to act younger to get closer to them.  
  
With shaky legs, Jin walked towards the toilet. The small bathroom was sickly white and cramped. As he stared into the mirror, he realized he didn't look like an idol. With an ashy white face and the regular hospital uniform, his body wasn't worthy of the title as an Idol. He didn't even look like a celebrity or a model. Maybe it was time to quit.  
  
As he was peeing,  he noticed how hot every part of his body was, despite him feeling cold. He wasn't okay but he wanted to get out of the hospital.  
  
The bts members were scheduled to come in an hour so he spent the time eating the meager hospital food. Any hard substances were difficult to chew and swallow, so he resorted to slurping down a poorly made tomato soup.  
  
_"This is disgusting_ ", Taehyung slammed the Bulgogi down" _even airplane food is better than this, hyung please don't eat that soup. I will ask Namjoon hyung to bring some takeout"._ He threw the bowl into the bin, Jimin followed suit. Jin didn't think the soup was that bad, however, it left a weird burning sensation on his tongue. Maybe he should stop eating it.  
  
The new set of painkillers he had been given was starting to work. He felt his limbs weighing down and his head drowsing off. In less than a minute, he was out cold, unaware of the members silently filing in.

 

He woke up to the sound of muted chatter. The room was filled with people yet they were whispering softly. With blurry eyes, he turned his attention to the luminous white clock on his bedside table. 2 o'clock, he had been asleep for 6 hours. The room was filled with light that glared down at him, so much so that Jin resorted to closing his eyes for a couple of seconds to adjust himself.  
  
_" Guys I think he's awake",_ a distant whisper tickled his ears. The voice was Namjoon. Almost immediately, the chatter quietened and he could almost feel their intense gaze on him.  
  
As he opened his eyes and made sense of his surroundings, his eyes met the sight of the cheesy grin on Hoseok's face. He missed Hoseok, maybe more than the rest. The said man was hovering over Jin in an awkward tilt to see him better but not invade his personal space. Jin didn't have the strength to reciprocate a smile and instead resorted to letting out a cracked shaky grunt. The sound shattered his vocal cords and left a parched dryness at the back of his throat. The sudden sensation left him coughing and blindly reaching for something to stop the feeling.  
  
At the corner of Jin's peripheral vision, he took note that several of the members had stood up and jerked towards his direction. Hoseok was already pouring him a glasses of water and helping him drink it. The others just watched on. Jin had quickly downed the water and was asking for more, Hoseok granted him that. After his thirst was satisfied, he was lulled into a deep sleep.

 

 _"How was hyung last night?"_ Namjoon questioned. They were all dying to know how Jin hyung was acting. 

 _" Hyung seems to be fine. He was sadder and quieter but I was expecting that. He smiled once or twice but spent the whole time listening to us."_ Jimin suddenly spoke in a hushed voice," _guys, please act happy around hyung like as if he was okay. I don't think it would be good for him if we kept questioning him or pressuring him. Hyung is probably sad so let's be energetic ok?"_

The members agreed willingly. If it meant their hyung would be happy,  being energetic was the least they could do.

" Also hyung wanted me Hoseok hyung and Jimin hyung to stay with him for a spoke of hours. He said he wanted to be with the sunshine line and wanted to recap with the dance." Hoseok nodded in agreement; he had already been filled in with Jin hyung's desires and was more than happy to help it.

The other members did not look happy. A flurry of protests and whispered-shouts were thrown around the room, everyone was eager to stay with Jin overnight. Soon enough, Jin was waking from his nap.

At the sight, Yoongi bounded towards his only hyung. _" Hyung, why did you say only Jimin Hoseok and Taehyung could stay with you, the 95 liners already stayed with you it's unfair. Did you ask them to stay with you hyung?"_

Jin wasn't ready to face Yoongi by any means at all. He instead stared at a random point on the walk and avoided Yoongi's intense gaze. The action left Yoongi feeling empty. Maybe he was slightly depressed? Maybe it was the painkillers? He brushed it off.

Jungkook slowly approached Jin's bed, he looked unsure on what to do. Sensing his unease, Jin slightly lifted up his arms, beckoning Jungkook towards him. Jungkook eagerly slid in next to Jin and cuddled against him. His smell had been tainted by the hospital' ever-present bleach scent but there were still that warm, musky undertones Jungkook grew to love. 

Yoongi stood near awkwardly, what was he supposed to do? After a small debate with himself, he turned around and started heating up the takeout food. Whilst he waited for it to warm, he watched as Namjoon carefully sat next to Jin and held his hand out. Jin took it. Their eyes met and a special type of connection was passed, a feeling mutual between the two. 

The rest of the members positioned themselves around Jin, falling into a comfortable chatter. Yoongi stayed in the corner, feeling isolated. The food had been cooked and he now had no idea what to do. Hoseok turned around to face him, he stood up and carried the food to the hospital table. Yoongi helped him. They wheeled the food in front of Jin and Jungkook lifted up to allow Jin to sit up. Yoongi took note how his only hyung avoided eye contact with him, only acknowledging Hoseok. 

With growing discomfort, he picked up one of the plates and sat on the chair furthest from the bed. He was still with the members but not part of the circle. He was an [outsider](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/t9sJ9cs9MmM/hqdefault.jpg). His insides were curling up with a familiar feeling he felt during the trainee days, and the years after. The feeling of being there but not being a part of them. He always felt slightly separated from the group. And it was at the worst now. 

The members were chatting and laughing, reminiscing funny stories from the past. Yoongi laughed along and tried to put his input in a couple of times, but he was overshadowed. He stopped trying and concentrated on eating his food now instead. His appetite was lost. Hoseok put a warm hand on his thighs as he laughed and long to Taehyung. The soft squeeze lifted his spirits up by the tiniest fraction.

Everyone was concentrated on Jin hyung. Their eyes picked up his every movement,  and whenever he wanted something, they were quick to help. They noticed the tight-lipped smile he would give or the barely there laugh he would emit. They hoped he would cheer up soon, it was weird seeing him so unhappy.

 

It was nearing 3 o'clock and their manager walked into it tell them to start leaving. Sejin approached Jin and gave him a fatherly hug, one Jin happily reciprocated.

 _" Good to see you so happy Jin. Hopefully, you will be able to work in the next couple of weeks"_ he smiled gently whilst softly patting his hair. Jin nodded.

It was almost impossible to usher all the members out the room, each one coming back again to hug Jin one last time. Yoongi had approached Jin for a hug, only to be rejected when Jin avoided eye contact and looked dithering another way. Now Yoongi was really upset.

The members all filed out leaving Taehyung and Jimin. Hoseok signaled to them as he exited, telling them to call him when they arrived back home.

Taehyung started wolfing down the remaining food, the pace and speed took Jin aback. It was almost impossible how he avoided choking. Hair fell over his face and made his eyes look hooded. The spice from the noodles gave his lips a plump red sheen. He looked like a cute puppy and Jin fell in love once again.Jin silently handed him some water, scolding the child in his head about his manners. Jimin had walked towards the corner of the room to hold a bag. 

 _"Hoseokie hyung brought you some clothes to wear, shall I ask a nurse to remove those needles?"_ Jimin placed the duffle bag next to Jin. He peered into the contents and spotted his favorite hoodie and cotton joggers. Jimin pressed the button on the wall, signaling and urself to come. A soft pitter-patter of footsteps could be heard as a miniscule nurse entered the room. She had a round face and a warm aura.  As Jimin asked her to remove the wires, Jin took notice of the faint blush tinting her cheeks. A potential army?

 The nurse gently held Jin's hand. He could feel the slight shake in her fingers. Definitely an army. As soon as she started ripping off the plastic bandwidth,  Jin squeezed his eyes shut. Needles scared the living daylights out of him. 

Taehyung had climbed back onto the bed and was stroking Jin's head. He for head nuzzle Jin's jaw ever so slightly and a soft peck was placed on his jaw. He calmed down almost immediately. The nurse briskly walked out of the room and Jin could almost see the waves of embarrassment rolling off her. 

Jimin used the opportunity to lay on top of Jin,  his head resting on his neck. Taehyung draped his leg over Jimin, which effectively trapped both of them down. Jin could feel himself suffocating, but the good kind. The type you feel when you receive a tight hug or when you laugh too hard. Not the type you feel when panic and anxiety takes over your body when the stress and insecurity overwhelm you and the only thing your mind is saying is you are worthless.

The pressure of Jimin's crown was starting to prevent Jin form breathing, he wiggled around and tapped Taehyung as an indication to let go. Both complied almost immediately. Like as if they had separation anxiety, they curled up to his sides instead. 

During their bonding session, the nurse had come back in. This time the blush was evident and had ruled over her whole head. Hastily, she stuttered to them to leave within the next half hour and placed a pack of painkillers on the table. Jin had never seen a nurse-run so fast.

Carefully, Jin slid out of the loose grips and reached for the bag. Taehyung let out a high-pitched shriek at the loss of contact, only to be immediately silenced by Jimin's bear hug.

With a slight smile, Jin entered the bathroom once again. For the first time ever, he completely avoided looking at his appearance and instead threw the clothes on with no fuss. Such an act was weird for him, give enough his role ands how visual and an idol. Yet the moment he caught a glance of a mirror he cowered in fear. Not even the slightest lining of confidence was in his body and it completely unbalanced him.

When he exited he realized that the other two had also dressed. They were wearing a full back attire complete.with hats and masks. His outfit looked very loud compared to theirs. Before he could do and scything,  Jimin stepped forward and started to groom his hair. He could feel the slight pull of the knots in his hair.

Once he was satisfied, Jimin let go and gave a nod of approval. Taehyung liked his arm around Jin, followed by Jimin. The action made Jin feel more grounded than before.

 

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

 

Jungkook was pissed and he didn't try to hide it. Even since he saw Jin in the hospital, he was determined to stick by his side no matter what. Now he had been denied the chance of staying with Jin not once but twice? He was livid. His anger was apparent tit he rest of the members by the sheer force of his dance. They all tried to steer away from him in fright of his anger. He wasn't the strongest member for nothing. It was very soon that the dancer teacher dismissed the due to the lack of members, Jungkook wasted no time in going to the gym to pent off his steam.

It was known worldwide that Jungkook was a competitive person, so it was no surprise he was fighting to get Jin. From now on, he decided that when Jin returned, he was to be at his side, and only him.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

 

The taxi ride back to the dorms was calm and quiet. An old trot song was softly blasting out of the stereo as they cruised through town later. A sudden whiff of street food floated in from the rear window and Jin was automatically starving. The 95rz had not let Jin go once and it put him to peace. The mere thought of returning back to the dorms made Jin see stars. He wasn't prepared to face the members fully. At the hospital, he managed to keep a calm facade -even though it almost crumpled around Yoongi - to convince them he was fine, he had no idea how long he could keep it up.

Hoseok had texted Jimin letting him know that he would arrive as soon as dance practice finished; until then they would pack up everything in the rooms for the swap.

The other members still had no idea about Jin's return, let alone the switch, and Jin was worrying over it. Knowing the members,  they would keep an eye on him 24/7. He had decided to let them find out themselves.

 He knew telling them would result in too much attention being given to him, and that was the last thing he wanted. 

It was all too soon when the taxi pulled up near their apartment complex; Jin started to dread going back home. Don't get him wrong, the place had countless memories from the years, but returning would indicate he was ready to come back to his old life. At this moment in time, that was the last thing he wanted to do. He would have to face the members on a daily basis and lie to their face about what he was feeling. The mere thought of putting up with the facade any longer made Jin want to collapse in exhaustion.

By the time Jin had undone his seat belt,  Taehyung had already paid the driver. As Jimin sensed Jin's unease, he placed his hand on his head to prevent Jin hitting his head on the car ceiling. When Jin safely exited,  Jimin gently wrapped his arms round Jin's waist and guided him into the building. Taehyung followed after them.

The all too well-known elevator music made Jin yearn for his bed. He missed the place, he really did. However, that changed when the elevator doors opened. He suddenly felt too ill. Jimin noticed how violently Jin was shaking in his arms, and with no clue what happened,  he wrapped his arms around the elder as Taehyung followed suite. They both knew Jin was extremely nervous about moving back in, the had discussed it the night before, but they didn't know how much. As Jin calmed down, Jimin unlocked their dorm door and helped Taehyung guide Jin into it. 

 _"Hobi hyung still hasn't come. There is no-one home hyung"_ Taehyung tried to reassure him.

Jin tried time calm down. He suddenly remembered Emuk and Odeongie. How could he forget his babies? All if a sudden, Jin rushed into his room and searched for his sugar gliders. A flash if confusion shot through him when he could find their cage.

 _"I moved them into my room so I could look after them"_ Taehyung called behind Jin.

He breathed a sigh of relief before entering Taehyung's room. At the sound of the door opening, the two babies started crying for attention, even more so when they saw their dad. Jin automatically smiled at the sight. He rushed to their cage and caressed the tiny squirrels in his arm. Eagerly climbed his arms and nibbled on his ears and sweatshirt. Jin couldn't contain the huge grin on his face at the actions.

 _"Hyung that's the first time you smiled properly since we saw you"_ Taehyung exclaimed. Jin looked up and smiled at him instead. The pent-up tension started rolling off after he reunited with his children. Taehyung smiled back and tried to pry off Odeongie. The sugar glider screeched at the action, causing Taehyung to abruptly let go. Jin let out a huff at the sight. 

 _"Shall we start packing now?"_ Jimin peered from the door?" Jin nodded eagerly. 

With both pets still nibbling at his ears, he walked back to his old room and started to gather his stuff up. Every time he walked out, he ignored the ache in his heart as he passed Yoongi's bed. He would miss the dongsang despite him hardly ever sleeping in the dorms. They WERE the perfect roommates and preventing it from carrying on made Jin feel empty. 

When he walked back into his new room, Jimin was switching the duvets. He silently dropped all his shirts onto Jimin's bed and proceeded to go back and do it again. Taehyung settled down on the floor and started to rearrange the clothes into their drawers. Just as Jin was making his 4th round, he heard the dorm door open.  automatically, he tensed at the sound but calmed down when he saw Hoseok peaking out. 

 _" Hyung!",_ hoseok eagerly hugged Jin. jin smiled in return due to his occupied hands. almost immediately hoseok went to his room to clear the stuff. they all worked in silence to tidy everything. Halfway through, Taehyung had put on a playlist using Jungkook's speakers and the whole house was alight with noise. Jin felt happy and content. after about ten minutes, he put his babies back into their cage as they were falling asleep. A soft kiss was placed on their head before they were wrapped in a blanket. 

by the time they were finished, it was already 9 o'clock. jin was exhausted after being low on energy for nearly a month. as he was skipping dinner to get ready for bed, Jimin brought jin some seaweed soup and spoonfeed him. Jin loved Jimin babying him, especially as he was too tired to even lift up his arms. halfway through eating, jin passed out, the last thing he remembered was Jimin tucking him in.


	14. The Domestic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They find Jin at home.

Yoongi could not bring himself to stay in the studio, so for the first time in forever, he was going to sleep at home. The crowded white walls of the studio were jam-packed with figurines and other random objects. The sense of an organised mess reminded him too much of the dorm.

He suddenly couldn't wait to go back. The small sofa in the studio hadn't done him justice in the past few weeks. His neck was aching from the lack of cushioning and his back was sore. For the first time in weeks he was going to swallow his fears and sadness to sleep in the dorms. The dorm room was like a crime scene to him, a place of mourning for his hyung. Even after Jin had been discovered, going back seemed like after nightmare. However aftertaste his point, closure seemed like the best option.

the walk to the dorm was short. The 20 odd minutes were spent peacefully watching the bustle of the night. His calmness was like the eye of a hurricane, eerily quite for something that felt so destructive. Almost all of a sudden he was in front of the door, muscle memory had automatically led him to he place he most associated with home. It took him account couple of seconds to ponder what to do next, entering the apartment felt like taking the first step to recovery. After account couple of moments to calm himself, he unlocked the door and entered. 

The dorm was quiet, save for the sound of he boiler and hushed murmurs. It was calming and peaceful. He took a deep breath.

When he walked into their shared room, he was expecting the sugar gliders to start crying see an empty bed. Something to remind him of home. Anything. What he wasn't expecting was to hear the latest kpop songs blasting on a low volume as Hoseok's voice sang them. he walked through the partition with mild irritation, why was Hoseok here anyway ? 

He was met with the sight of Hoseok sprawled on Jin's bed whilst scrolling on his phone. Jin's side of the room had been completely rearranged and hoseok's possessions replaced it. The disrespect angered him. How dare he mess up the order of the dorms just because Jin wasn't here.

 _"hey hyung,"_ Hoseok said nonchalantly. how could he be so nonchalant? Hoseok was completely unaware of Yoongi fuming in the distance.

 _" The fuck Hoseok. Why are you here?"_  Yoongi's voice was as harsh angered a slap in the face. His tone made Hoseok's head snap violently.

 _"Jin hyung wanted to swap rooms so I did"_ Hosoek spoke defensively, there was mild surprise evident on his face. He honestly had no idea why Yoongi seemed so upset.

 _" I didn't realize I had to room with you",_ the emphasis on 'you' took immediate effect on Hoseok. Yoongi regretted the phrasing the minute he said it, especially after seeing Hoseok staring at him like a wounded animal.

 _"I didn't know you hated rooming with me",_ Hoseok roughly brushed past Yoongi and exited the room, doing such a harsh action was rare for him. Yoongi automatically awful.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

Jungkook stormed into Jimin's bedroom, ready to steal his headphones when he caught sight on the huge lump on  Hoseok's bed. The sight was pretty unusual for 7 o'clock at night. As he approached the bed, he caught the familiar sight of Jin's cute  round head. He gasped dramatically before going to hunt down Jimin without even checking Jin's face. How come he was in the dorms?

 _"Hyung, why is hyung here when he is supposed to be in the hospital? WIll he be staying"_ he barged into Taehyung's room and started questioning the pair situated inside. He completely ignored the fact that they were cleaning the room.Cleaning the room! That was a rare sight into the dorms and Jungkook was too preoccupied to even notice.

 _"Yes, you will leave him alone"_ jimins abruptness took Jungkook aback, Jimin always spoke softly and hardly ever demanded something.

 _"why not?"_ he demanded. He was the most stubborn one in the group after and all. 

 " _Because he is not okay. You see it from a mile away. He didn't talk to us the whole day in any form, he only nodded. He doesn't seem to be happy at all. He asked us not to tell you guys about him coming back because it meant that you guys would cause a fuss and it's obvious he wants to hang low right now. The best thing we can do is smile and follow his wishes._ " Jimin insisted calmly as he carried on sorting out Taehyung's ties onto a towel hanger. How does one being have so many?  
  
Taehyung turned around whilst wiping down his shelf." _He's right y'know"._  
  
Jungkook shut his mouth and walked out the room, only to walk back in a moment later.  
  
_"Why is he in your room instead of with Yoongi hyung?",_ he demanded once again. The exaggerated finger point didn't help to make him look sterner.  
  
_"I think he chose to room there as Yoongi is never home. So now he has other people around him instead of his pets."_ Jimin didn't even glance at Jungkook, causing him to pout.  
  
_"He could've roomed with me"_ , he sulked, his shoulders visibly sagging.  
  
_"Kookie, your room is stuffed with anything and everything. Where would hyung sleep? With you on that tiny bunk bed?  It wouldn't work at all. Anyway, Jimin's room is big enough for everything including the cage so just leave it. Jimin made some soup, go eat."_ Taehyung dismissed Jungkook with a wave of his hand and carried on sorting his bedroom. Jungkook finally left them alone to simmer in his own bedroom.  
  
  


* * *

* * *

  
  
  
  
Yoogi found Hoseok in the living room watching a random k drama. Wordlessly, he sat down near him. Hoseok ignored his presence, meaning he was giving him the silent treatment meant was extremely mad. Everyone knew not to mess with hoseok when he was angry, the calmest member was terrifying when he is livid. They sat in silence until the drama was at a break, then Yoongi took the opportunity to face Hoseok.  
  
_"Hobi, I am sorry. I didn't mean it at all, I promise! I was just upset about today cuz the new track just would not sound right and I just had an awful day okay. I know that's not an excuse but I am just surprised that you are suddenly rooming with me. I don't hate it, I promise. I would love to be your roommate."_ Yoongi tried to finish off with puppy eyes, as if he could ever do them, to convince Hoseok even more.

After a long staring battle between the two, Hoseok finally sighed and slung his arm around Yoongi. With no reason to decline the affection, Yoongi reciprocated the action and hugged Hoseok back. His heart elevated after the younger had forgiven him. The stress and burden of being in the studio all day slowly melted off as he snuggled into Hoseok's side.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

Jin woke up when he felt a gentle weight on his feet. Whilst still feeling drowsy, he lifted his head up to find the source of the weight and came face-to-face with Jungkook. The younger was peering down at Jin quizzically,  and as soon as he caught sight of Jin staring back at him, he [smiled](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/a2/4a/83/a24a8325263a77e4a457bfe29099ba38.jpg). His face scrunched up cutely and his almond-shaped eyes closed together, making him look adorable.

Jugkook flattened out on top of Jin and snuggled his head into Jin's neck, causing him breathing difficulties. Flattened by the heaviness, Jin tried to dig his arms into Jungkooks sides; a warning to get up. Jungkook complied.

"Morning hyung," Jungkook said cutely, Jin just nodded as a reply. The action caused a moment of confusion for Jungkook,  before realization dawned on him once again,"oh yeah you can't speak". He awkwardly looked away after making the comment., Jin tried not to pay too much attention to the underlying meaning of the sentence.

Gingerly, Jungkook offered a hand to Jin, a silent apology for being insensitive, Jin took it. With jungkook's firm grip, Jin was lifted off the bed and positioned so he was standing. The lack of warmth from the bed caused him to scramble for a sweater in one of the drawers. As he put it on, Jungkook stood around waiting for him to finish. The minute the sweater was snugly on him, Jungkook gently yanked Jin towards the door. 

He was so eager for the breakfast Jin would no doubt are so it was a huge shock when a Jin resisted. The pull was light but noticeable enough to make Jungkook turn around. With around confused expression,  he stared at Jin. 

"Hyung let's go make breakfast for evryone," Jungkook said whilst Jenkins his head in the direction of the door. Jin shook his head fiercely. 

Going out would mean facing his members and acting normal. He would have to sit with them, communicate with them, and laugh with them. Emotionally,  he was too exhausted to even think about committing to the group once again. He wanted to be left alone, to hibernate like a bear in the winter. Calm, peace and tranquillity was all that he wanted and exposing himself to the whole group and public would not get him that.

Obviously Jungkook did not understand Jin when he shook his head, so once again Jungkook reached for his hand. The abruptness made Jin scamper back in alarm, causing a flash of confusion and hurt to go through Jungkook's face. Once again, Jungkook looked away awkwardly. He looked around the room before settling on the wall opposite him. By now Jin had composed himself and was looking slightly guilty.

"I-I will go," Jungkook stuttered before rushing out. Jin felt almost guilty for a second before the emotion was replaced with relief. His aim was to spend as much time as he could in solitude until he had even the slighted amount of courage to face all the members. He couldn't even be guilty for not spending time with the members. He wanted to be alone.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

It was around noon that he had enough. He was so hungry he could eat a horse. He quickly spun out of bed and marched towards the door. The moment he opened it he came face-to-face with Yoongi. The man looked like he was about to enter thier old bedroom.

"Hyung," Yoongi smiled softly at  Jin," I didn't know you were back at the dorm, when did you arrive".

Yoongi's kindness was rewarded with a slamed door to his face. The large bang of the door slamming caused yoogi to wince not only at the sound but the rudeness. Jin still seemed upset, and for some reason he felt responsible; but he didn't know why.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

Jin pressed his face to the door until he could hear Yoongi walking away. He wasn't sorry for slamming the door in his face one bit. If he could, he would avoid seeing the man at all costs. But doing so would mean kicking him out of BTS, and and Jin wouldn't even dream of doing that.the best option was to avoid him and hope for the best. He knew he couldn't avoid the man forever, and a small part of him wished not to, but a large portion of his senses had decided that Yoongi should not be in his life. There was something dark and deadly about that, but Jin didn't realise it soon enough.


	15. The Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jin "talks" about his worries

Yoongi had been incredibly happy after taking to Hobi, and even better when the dais man woke him up with a fresh cup of coffee he had bought from his favourite shop during his daily jog. A huge part of him almost preferred Hosoek to Jin, but an equal amount of him mourned the loss of his long-term roommate. All in all, he woke up in a good mood.

The mood was uplifted when he walked back into his room and caught sight of Jin. He hadn't been completely aware the said man had moved back in the dorms, probably because he muted their group chat and never went online, so the sight was a pleasant surprise. 

However, the surprise went stale when the door was slammed shut in his face the moment Jin saw him. It caused a ~~huge~~ small part of him to wilt. 

_Maybe Jin was still upset?_

_He remembered something  in his room he forgot to bring?_

Yoongi kept trying to find and excuse for Jin's actions but no matter what he thought, his mood had soured for the rest of the day. Not even Hoseok's smile cheered him up.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

Jin waited approximately 5 minutes before venturing out once again. Silently, he tiptoed into the kitchen and started preparing breakfast. He was thinking about making eggs. At first it was one batch, then another,then another. In no time at all, Jin had used u all the eggs and cooked up a whole meal for the group. 

He was so zoned out from his constant brooding that he rang the kitchen bell with a new uplifted mood. The bell had been installed after Jin got tired of screaming able the time at dinner time. It had been able most 2 months since he last rang it. He didn't realise this until he had already rang the bell, and he could hear the members footsteps entering the room.

The subtle smile melted away from his face as realisation dawned to him. He was already fitting into the dorm routine by muscle memory and he didn't like it one bit. 

It was only until a gentle tap was placed on his shoulder that he turned around and was brought back to reality. Jimin smiled at him slightly and guided him to the table. He held on to Jimin for support more than anything.  Everyone had gathered by now except Taehyung and Namjoon. He predicted that they were producing another song.

As expected, they had all started ravishing the food like hungry wolves. All except one. Yoongi. He was sitting directly opposite Jin with a dejected face. When they made eye-contact, he gave a tight-lipped smile. Jin refused it. Yoongi's face fell again. Before Jin could get a serving of food, Yoongi had excused himself from the table quite abruptly. His sudden dissapearance caused a slight slur to the tame atmosphere. Jin refused to pay attention.

Slowly, chatter started to hold up on the table. Mindless bickering and exchanging of gossip was done in hushed tones atmosphere and secretive smiles. Usually, Jin would be the first to allert people about other groups, he loved gossip and scoops almost as much as he loved cooking. But today, he just sat and listened, bobbing his head from time to time to prove he was listening.  It shocked him how little he was interested in conversing. 

All of a sudden he was addressed.

 _"Hyung, do you think Red Velvet will go on a show with us? There have been rumours goig round",_ Jungkook suddenly brought attention to Jin. With alarm, Jin searched his pockets for some high on write on. Hoseok helpfully handed him his phone.

 _Doubt it,_ he texted. Jugkook looked over his text and nodded. The conversation went back to its normal flow. Jin sighed a huge breath of relief. He wasn't questioned for the rest of the meal. He was even happier when Jungkook offered to wash the dishes. The rare phenomenon was greatly appreciated.

After dinner, Jimin and Taehyung went back with Jin to the bedroom. As they entered, Jungkook stubbornly walked in as well. The action caused confusion between the three. 

They settled down on the floor, in front of the pet cage. Jin busily fed his babies whilst the trio made mindless comments on the sugar gliders. It was peaceful, and Jin couldn't be any happier. He was exceptionally happy when Emuk refused to let him go, resorting to screaming loudly to prevent Jin from putting him down. The small amphibian only calmed when Jin placed him on the palm of his hand. He was smiling brightly now. Jin was so into petting the pets that he didn't realize the chatter had silenced. It was only when Jungkook made a particularly loud comment that he was awaken from his reverie. 

" Hyung, you are really smiling! You've been depressed the past few days and I thought you might start crying. Especially at breakfast. It's good you are happy now." The comment completely wiped the grin off Jin's face. Jimin and Taehyung simultaneously slapped Jungkook hard on his back, causing an outcry from him. Jimin returned to smiling at Jin and carried on feeding. Jungkook stared silently at Jin as he slowly realized his mistake.

"Sorry hyung, i didn't mean it like that. its just that we missed you so much and-", Jin waved off Jungkook's speech. its fine, the message was clear. It was not fine, not fine at all. But Jin stayed silent (ironically) to prevent attention and drama.

They stayed taking for around about an hour, soon moving to the sofa to watch a movie. Jungkook stubbornly pushed his way into sitting next to Jin and placed a dominating arm armround his waist during the whole movie. Hoseok and Yoongi were long gone outside, so the dorm was silent.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

"Why did you run off to our bedroom", Hoseok casually asked as he put his arm around Yoongi.

They were sitting on a park bench overlooking the city. It was a common place the went to write song lyrics. It was a great place to go, especially on a sunny day. They could see people from different walks  of life going about their everyday business. 

Yoongi stared out at the view in til he had the courage to speak.

 _"I think Jin hates me now"_ he sighed. Hoseok made a sound of protest. 

_"How? You two are so close,it's impossible for Jin to hate any of us"_

Yoogi turned towards Hoseok, _" I thought so too, until he avoided me. When we first saw him at the hospital, he refused eye contact but I brushed it away. But then the second time we went, he completely ignored me and refused to acknowledge me at all. Then he switches rooms without even telling any of us. He wanted to avoid me. I saw him this morning and called out his name. He slammed the door on my face hobi! How can I not_ _think he is ignoring me. He hasn't done it to any of you." Yoongi took a few seconds to calm himself," I can't even talk to him about why"._

Hoseok thought for an minute, he carried on massaging the tuft on Yoongi's neck carelessly "I will watch Jin hyung closely and see if he acts wierdly around you; and if he does, I will calmly ask him about it", Hoseok smiled gently at Yoongi whilst placing his head on his shoulder" I think you are just overreacting, why don't we buy Jin some of his favourite treats. Cheer him up." He ran his hands through Yoongi's hair, something he knew the latter loved.

"Okay".

 

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

 

"Hyung," Jungkook asked," may I ask why you dissappeared, or are you not ready. It's ok if you're not ", Jin looked at Jungkook with complete alarm.

All eyes had turned to him now. Quickly, he scrambled for his phone and stared at the blank screen. The sudden confrontation had left him confused once again and he was now at crossroads.  After several moments, he started typing veeeerrrryy slowly.

 

I was sad.

 

He didn't eloborate how, or why. He couldn't prepare himself to. Jin just prayed that the very vague answer would satisfy them and cause them to leave.

It didn't. 

Jugkook arms were around him in a second. Jimin was at his side and had wrapped his long limbs at round all of them.

A huge flurry of _we love you hyung and you can come to us any time you are sad and don't dissappear again_  were flung at him from all directions. The comments flustered him and warmed his heart, but at the same time he felt like the reassurance were empty.

He was so deep into this darkness that he couldn't find a way out. He felt like his negativity was effecting the group as a whole and a bad impact on the band. By now he was convinced leaving would solve all their problems. 

The onslaught of affecting left him slightly tearful and claustrophobic. Slowly, they disentangled themselves and carried on watching the movie. It took all of Jin's willpower to suppress his emotions and keep them at bay. 

That's why when Yoongi entered, he completely broke down. 

"Hyung, i bought you some of your snacks. I thought you may like to eat them", Yoongi smiled warmly as he placed the plastic bag onto Jin's lap. He took one look at the bag and pushed it off his lap, running to the safety of his new bedroom with urgence. 

Yoogi stared down at the snacks spilling onto the floor then at Hoseok, their expressions mirrored eachothers. Hoseok quickly wrapped his arms around Yoongi,  caging him and preventing him from falling.

 

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

"I'll go check on him", Jimin said after a couple of moments. Just as he was about to step forward, Jungkook put an arm forward,  preventing Jimin from going forward.

"I will" Jungkook said with confidence. After a silent match between the two, Jimin sighed and sat down again. Jugkook quickly speedwalked into Jin's bedroom.

As Jimin watched him walk away, Taehyung suddenly spoke up." Hyung did you do something to Jin? What happened".

"We don't know, that's what we are trying to find out" Hosoek answered. Yoogi slowly detached himself from Hoseok and lowered himself into the loveseat. 

" I really want to know", he said softly.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

"Hyung?" Jungkook tentatively entered the room. The lights were off and the room looked empty, but the hushed sniffles gave everything away.

"Hyung?" he said again. The door softly closed as he let go of it. The room now was completely dark,  void of any light or warmth. A shiver ran through Jungkook spine. 

 

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

 

Jungkook rushed into the dorm. He had just spent 2 hours shopping for ingredients to make Jin's favourite dish, and he wanted it to be perfect.  
  
It was 5 am and no one was awake in the dorm, he wished they were so they could help him make the food, but at the same time he wanted to make it alone.  
  
Ever since Jungkook joined bighit, Jin was the most caring member of the group to him. He drove him to school, helped with his homework, and he bought him food. He always bought him food. Jungkook couldn't doubt that with all the money Jin had spent solely on him, the rent for a 3 bedroom house could be payed for more then a year. And now he thought about it, he never expressed his gratitude for Jin. Not enough anyway.  
  
A selfish part of him wished Jin would get up and act normal, so he could carry on feeding off his kindness. But as soon as those thoughts came to his mind, he would be weighed down with the deepest regret and sorrow.  
  
He just wanted his hyung back.  
  
Anything like the old Jin he would take willingly.  
  
_Even his embarrasing dances_.  
  
Anything to remind him of the old Jin, not the skeleton in his own bed.  
  
With a sense of duty Jungkook carried on chopping the vegetables and preparing the meat, he had to make the best pork cutlets in the whole world.

 

Hesitantly, Jungkook entered Jin's room. He didn't want to startle the other or wake him up. So instead he placed the food on the desk and sat beside Jin. Whilst he waited, he took notice of the frown on Jin's face, the almost transparent skin below his eyes, his fragile puffs of air.  
  
_I will be a better dongsaeng,  he promised, please, if there is a god out there here, please help Jin recover and I will do anything.I will convert into bhuddism, il clean the streets every day. Anything!_ He sighed and bowed his head, _I just want him to smile._

 Slowly, Jin roused from his sleep. Looking around he caught site of Jungkook.

 _"Hey hyung"_ he said softly.

Jin nodded.

 _"I made you some food, please eat_ " he thrusted the bowl into Jin's hand." _It's tasted good I promise"_

Jin shook his head, sitting up on the bed.

Jungkook slumped visibly, pouting he said" _I worked so hard to make it, for you"_ he gave Jin his award winning puppy eyes. He could see Jin's resolve crumbling right before him. Sighing, the elder took the bowl from Jungkook and started eating tiny morsefulls of it. That was enough to satisfy Jungkook. 

Smiling, he walked to the cage and lifted up the crying Emuk,  setting him down on his lap. Jungkook silently fed some of the broth on a spoon to the baby mammal. Jin just silently watched. Jugkook could tell the other was slowly cheering up, he smiled as he hoped it was because of him.


	16. The Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoongi and Jin confront each other, but it doesn't get far.

It took Jin a whole day to calm down enough to cooperate. He felt pathetic. Jin had gone from being the most controlled member to breaking down at the littlest of things. He couldn't control it. He couldn't.

Fans were deeply worried about his health and the situation.  He had overheard the members discuss what to upload countless times. The whole world had collapsed at the news he was missing and slowly repaired after he was found. The media was ravishing the news like hungry dogs, well aware the public was on edge for updates.Everyone couldn't go a day without knowing something about Jin. Every post that BTS or BigHit uploaded was scrutinized and monitored by the public, waiting for a slip or a sign or a spill on what was going on. Appearances in restaurants, recent performances, canceled concerts which the hungry wolves lapped up for more attention and money. It was disgusting, and Jin knew these predators will be facing countless lawsuits soon.

Swallowing,  Jin logged onto Twitter for the first time. He had completely isolated himself from the Internet as a form of closure., but for some reason, he was drawn by the blue icon. His whole feed was filled with tweets from not only fans but fellow American artists BTS had made a friendship with. It was a lot to take in. He spent ages scrolling down his camera roll for an acceptable photo to upload, stopping at a [debut photo](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/24/09/df/2409df707296a632495a8ac39d89f4fe--twitter-update-boy-scouts.jpg) from years ago. You could see the difference in his visual and aura just from that photo. He had no idea why but it seemed like a good idea to upload it.a spur of the moment decision.  The caption was just simply the army logo emoji. He quickly clicked upload and in seconds the picture had a thousand likes. The retweets and comments were escalating rapidly. Jin blinked. 10k retweets. 

The numbers and responses were shocking. What caused it? As he skimmed through their homepage, he noticed the last upload was over 2 weeks ago by Jimin. He got his answer, the fans must've been desperate for anything. Curiosity took over him and soon he was reading the comments in deep contemplation.

 

 

 

 

 

> **_Is he coming back soon!!!!!_ **
> 
> **_This must be_ meaningful _somehow!_**
> 
> **_WOW,_ oppa _has changed so much!!!_**
> 
> **_WHAT IS GOING ON!?!?!?!!!!!!!?!?_ **

He smiled slightly. The fans were confused but sated. They thought he was alright, and that's all that mattered. They didn't need to know the truth. Gifs of him goofing around and photos of him doing flying kisses filled the comment section. The goofiness cheered Jin's fragile heart almost immediately. Itching to communicate for the first time since debut, he liked various pictures and commented a heart on several memes. It was fun, even if it was forbidden. He was having fun, did idol rules really matter. He accidentally re-tweeted a comment but didn't even bother to undo it. Let the lucky fan bathe in glory. He was getting mad now, commenting on every photo he could. More fans were commenting now it was apparent he was interacting with them

 

 

 

> **_Oppa notice me!_ **
> 
> **_Jin liked my photo OHMAHGAWD!!!!_ **

 

He giggled at the surprise, imagining all the fans screaming due to the comments. He could picture the various reports being written right this second

 

 

 

> **BTS jin goes havoc on twitter**
> 
> **Many fans are dying after bts follows them**
> 
>  

He found it funny, but his company surely didn't.

Unknown to him, Jungkook was peeking through the doorway at him, observing his wide smile illuminated by the only source of light in the dimly lit room. The door shut silently with a grin ghosting Jungkook's face at the apparent happiness his depressed hyung suddenly had.

 

* * *

* * *

 

Namjoon was in his studio when Bang Shihyuk surprisingly entered. They just had a meeting a couple of hours ago so the sudden appearance was unusual. 

 _"Have you been on twitter recently?"_ He ago seed he minute he entered.

 _"No_ " Namjoon was confused

" Well Jin has caused a havoc online, " he replied.

 _"How so"_ Namjoon was really confused now.

 _"First, he uploaded a picture of him back during your debut, which already was enough to spark a controversy,  next he proceeded to like countless tweets and retweeted even more. On top of that he commented on and followed many fan account just for the hell of it."Bang PD hushed his voice," We do not need attention right now, but that is exactly when Jin is doing. Call him to the studio tomorrow "_.

 Namjoon sighed as he put his phone down.  Lazily, he walked up to Jin's room and knocked on the door. 

 _"Can I come in?"_ He asked, seconds later the door opened to Jin looking visibly happier. The elder sunk back into his bed and opened his phone. Namjoon perched himself on a chair.

 _"Hyung,"_ he started out carefully _" I just heard that you went crazy on twitter.  Is this true?_ "

Jin looked up at that. He stared at Namjoon for a couple of seconds before noddy,  his face stoic and robotic. Despite his cheery appearance, the childish hyung had not fully regained his personality back. Sad.

_"Why"_

Jin looked down and tapped on his phone. His hands clumsily whizzed around, trying to write as fact as he could manage. It was endearing, but funny.

**It felt like the right thing to do. It was nice interacting with the fans and they seemed to love it.**

_"Hyung, when you sent that old picture as well as liking various tweets, our fans must've come up with theories. You know what they are like. Not the smartest move hyung."_ Jin pouted sadly"  _tomorrow we have to go see PD nim over this. Please, I beg you, be cooperative."_

Namjoon gently touched Jin's shoulder before exiting. The elder kept pouting and looking down. He was in trouble. Again

 

* * *

* * *

 

 "You know why you are here don't you " Bang Shihyuk looked carefully at Jin. The other had his lips in a tense line. Never had he been scolded for bad behavior by the CEO, he was always the best behaved member.

As soon as he had arrived, Namjoon had left for the studio, leaving Jin alone. He hadn't bothered changing his clothes, staying in the same pajamas for the past two weeks, only washing them once. The meeting room was empty, save for the two. He dreaded it this way, but also preferred the privacy

"I understand you are suffering Jin,  but you need to think twice about your actions.  Not only could they affect you, but others as well. This wasn't too bad, but please next time communicate if you are having a hard time. We all care about you deeply. " The words made Jin sniffle slightly. The CEO was like his father,, no doubt he cared about them. 

He nodded as a sign for okay.

* * *

* * *

 

Jin shuffled in the chair, too scared to move or make a sound. It was peculiar how Yoongi asked him all of a sudden to stay with him. What assistance could he provide? He shrunk into himself, his arms draped over his legs trying to take as little space as he could. It was almost as if he was trying to disappear. He didn't want to be in the same room as his dongsang, it was too awkward.  
  
"You know I miss you, hyung " Yoongi started talking abruptly. The sudden echo of his voice made Jin jump in surprise, his eyes wide with shock." I wish you smiled like you used to, at the other members, at the TV" and after a brief pause,"at me" in a small, meek voice. Barely loud enough for Jin to hear, but he heard it.  
  
" We all want to know why you are sad, why you never speak, why you are so distant. It pains us to see you like this". Liar, Jin thought, a big fat lie, he was no more than a burden to the group and it was evident in the shadows they cast on him." You may not believe us because you seem hurt. And I would do anything to know why. We all would. I-I miss you. I miss my hyung with the annoying croaky smile. I never thought I'd say this but it I wish you still told us jokes. I wish you danced goofy again and embarrassed us all.......We all do. "  at this Yoongi paused, swinging his head down with sadness."I want to hear you sing again" his voice cracked painfully as if he was hurting.  
  
Liar. Silent tears cascaded down Jin's cheeks as he wept with remorse. Liar. How could Yoongi tell such a lie when it was barely a month ago he called Jin worthless. What was he trying to gain?  
  
Yoongi lifted his head to see Jin in utter distress. Shock and worry seeped into his bones. What do I do? With concern, he approached Jin and gingerly touched his shoulder. Seokjin flinched away, arching his back and peering at Yoongi with wide eyes.  
  
 Yoongi desperately tried to act like the movement didn't rip his heart out. But despite his efforts, the hurt look on his face gave everything away. the pain. He quietly sat down again and bowed his head, turning around so his back obscured his face. Tears were starting to bubble up and he couldn't take it.

 _" Hyung, you can go if you want to",_ he barely whispered.

Jin never ran out of a room faster.

 

* * *

It was only when he was outside the building regulations realised he may have been too harsh. He remembered their flash of hurt Yoongi showed, they way he quickly retracted his hand after he flinched, how quiet his voice was as he spoke full of uncertainty.

Maybe he should've been nicer.

As he was walking into the building, he was reminded of all the good times the two eldest had shared. They were eternal roommates after all.

He was not expecting to round the corner to come face to face with Hoseok hugging a very devastated Yoongi, judging by the crushed look on his face. He wasn't expecting at all to see Hoseok pull back, only to softly place his lips onto Yoongi's. 

Shocked, Jin turned around and walked away, not wanting to disturb the couple.

 He ambled slightly at the knowledge they were together. 

Still not finished lol

Still need to do the transition from Jin in bed to Yoongi's studio.


	17. The Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoongi falls, Jin actually goes to him

Jin rushed towards Yoongi, the loud slap his face made when it came in contact with the floor ran in his ears. All he had been doing was walking down the hallway when he saw Yoongi. The only thing that stopped him from turning around was the fact that the younger man looked seconds away from passing out. He was clutching onto the wall like his life depended on it, and the moment he let go his face hit the floor. Automatically, Jin had rushed to Yoongi with fear and shock.

His first reaction was to turn Yoongi around and cradle him in his arms. The left side of his face was a shocking vermilion shade, there was no doubt it would bloom into a swollen purple bruise. Gently, he shook Yoongi in a feeble attempt to wake him up, and when his actions didn’t work, he started panicking. Clutching Yoongi's face in his had an arm around his back, he was just about to call for help, only to realize he couldn't speak. Never in his life had he felt so helpless. After a moment he decided to leave Yoongi in search of someone.

With the utmost care, he placed Yoongi on the floor, making sure he was in the recovery position, before scrambling towards the studios. The light in Hobi's room was alight, so with no hesitation, he burst into the room and tugged at the man's arm. The younger jumped at the bang from Jin's entrance, looking up at the elder with wide eyes in astonishment. Hoseok was in a state of confusion and reluctance until he saw the pure desperation on Jin's face. At the sight, he let himself be dragged towards Yoongi. The minute they arrived, Jin fell down to his knees harshly and cradled Yoongi once again. Hoseok stood there with alarm. After a couple seconds, he brought himself back to reality and pulled out his phone. He frantically called the ambulance whilst watching Jin from the corner of his eye.

It shocked him how tightly Jin was holding onto the man he was severely repelled two hours ago. The raw anguish and anxiety on his face were enough to convince Hoseok that Jin still loved Yoongi.

He was relieved at the knowledge, Yoongi hadn't been coping well knowing the eldest had a massive grudge against him. He eyed the look of panic smeared accords Jin's face, the elder didn't hate him at all. Hopefully this was an opportunity for the two to sort things out. 

 _"Let's take him outside",_ Hoseok's voice made Jin's head snap up in confusion _, "we can get him to the ambulance quickly. "_

Hoseok motioned for him to carry Yoongi, but was met with denial as Jin tried (and succeeded ) to lift the younger bridal style. Hoseok would've laughed if the situation wasn't serious. he could see it in Jin's face how exhausting it was to carry the lighted member, but refused Hoseok's attempt to intervene. 

The ambulance had just arrived after they exited the building, living in the middle of a city had its perks. Upon seeing the lifeless figure Jin was holding,  the medical workers scrambled to place him on a stretcher and check his vitals. All the while Hoseok was screaming and the hem to get to the hospital quickly, fearing Yoongi may be suffering from brain damage and internal bleeding. 

Jin spent the whole time clutching Yoongi's hand,  so tight Yoongi's fingers had a soft blue hue by the time they arrived at the hospital. 

The workers rushed to escorts Yoongi to an x-ray,  leaving Hoseok and Jin alone in the lobby. Using the time wisely, Hoseok texted their manager for a filler on the current events. He doubted he would get arrived filler reply until morning, so he also forwarded the message onto their group chat. 

During this, Jin violently tugged on Hoseok's hand, silently pleading for him to ask if they could find Yoongi. Impatiently, Hoseok brushed off Jin every time, letting him know that the other was safe and soon they would be able to see him. It didn't stop the eldest from carrying on pestering him.

As he answered the various worried text messages from the other members, he watched Jin scurry around the lobby, shuffling his feet from side to side in restlesness as he waited for Hoseok to finish.

The amount of suggestions for the members to come now was overwhelming, Hoseok tried to convince them to just visit tomorrow as it may not be too serious.

He was so engrossed in texting that he didn't notice the male nurse approaching him

"Sir?" Hoseok looked up" your friend has been escorted to a private room as you asked. Please could you go to the reception for the payments."

Jin quickly walked to the reception as nd swiped his card to pay gorgeous he hospital fees. Hoseok didn't even have the chance to stand up. 

 

 

 

Jin stared at Yoongi's face. Hoseok had left them alone to check back to bighit. It was almost obvious he was trying to get the two alone. Yoongi still hadn't woken up from the anesthesia, a blessing. He noticed how fragile the younger looked on the bed, even though he wasn't the shortest he was the smallest in other areas. The tiny man looked breakable surrounded by stark white sheets and wires.

Jin wondered if that's how he looked when he last was there, maybe that's why the members fretted over him so much. 

Yoongi's face crumpled up in pain, hand coiling towards his stomach. Automatically, jin slipped his warm hands under the shirt and rubbed Yoongi's belly. It was a method that almost always helped soothe stomach pains. Slowly, the crease on Yoongi's for head softened.

He carried on rubbing until the younger completely stopped moving. What was going on in his head,Jin thought. He hadn't expected to be so intimate with Yoongi,  especially after what he overheard months ago. But here he was. 

A huge part of him ached to join bts during their comeback, to once again relish the cheers from the crowds and rejoice with the reason he sacrificed so much. But what stopped him was, he was scared. No doubt he would be swarmed with insensitive press questions about his disappearance, and that was something he was not mentally capable of confronting. At least not now. 

 

 

 I FINALLY FINISHED 

 

WOOP WOOP

 

Next chapter will be gr8

 


	18. The Harmony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I need a better title for this chapter lol
> 
> Please comment bellow

Yoongi started to stir as Jin softly pet his hair. Jin had turned off the lights completely, allowing the room to bathe in the soft light radiating from the window. The lighting made the room look softer and cozier. As Yoongi's eyes adjusted to the light, he caught sight of Jin. He expected Hoseok. 

"Hyung?" Yoongi whispered, bewildered. Jin patted his head softly as a response. " Why are you here?"

The concept of jin being so close to him after weeks of unrequited attention left him feeling dull. Why the sudden change of heart? He was longing for an answer to his questions. His confusion. It was unexpected and unaccounted for that Jin suddenly was not reacting the same way to him anymore. They were eternal roommates, the only pair to succeed as partners since the beginning. They had a connection that could not be easily broken, yet for whatever reason, Jin decided to throw it all away. Why? 

Jin whipped out his phone. It had been a coupke of days since he last used the device for communication. An indirect ban had been placed on him from using social media after the incredibly alarming outburst he created before. He had no knowledge on what the papers had said about his sudden appearance, everything was kept secret in an attempt to keep him calm.

 

 

> To look after your stupid ass that forgot to eat and drink and became dehydrated.
> 
>  

Yoongi paused. The whole scenario was too unusual and slightly scary for him. It was suddenly like old times. He struggled to find an emotion, a reaction that could be used in such a situation. There was a hole in his mind that he desperately needed filling up; and as the seconds drew on, he became more thirsty. "B-but you haven't been talking to me for the past few weeks" he sighed and looked down," I thought you hated me," the tremor in his voice could be heard. It was becoming more and more difficult to keep a straight face. To spend hours trying to find a solution to a problem, then all of a sudden a solution hits you head first when you least expect it. Hard. Jin frowned. 

 

 

> I don't hate you.
> 
>  

"Why did you ignore me then?" Yoongi looked up. His voice had risen in pitch, making him sound whiny and annoyed. It reminded Jin that he was the eldest for a reason.

 

 

> I will tell you when you get better. Now you need to drink.

 

As Jin stood up, he caught a movement on his lower waist. Suddenly, one of the sugar gliders were scuttling to Jin's shoulder. in the midst of Yoongi wondering how Jin managed to smuggle the mammals into the room, the weight between his toes shifted. soon enough, the other sugar glider was climbing up his face, settling on the [top of his head](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/25/b6/91/25b691e46793298fe9d6161555e8919f.jpg). Emuk. The baby glider had drawn a special liking to him and constantly sat in his arms or head, just like now, It warmed his heart. Jin soon came back with a glass of cool water. Placing the beverage on the table, he started helping Yoongi sit up like as if he was frail.

"Ah hyung, I can do this myself", Yoongi whined. Jin glared at him. Yoongi sighed as he let Jin fuss over him and feed him water. The contact was to intimate yet so normal for the two of them; it genuinely surprised Yoongi how easily they fell into the roommate dynamic they had been nurturing for the past half-decade. It was weird for them to suddenly normal again. It made the reason for Jin's cold before attitude even more unbearable. 

"When will I find out?" Yoongi questioned, "I need to know. It's killing me not to have the reason why you were so, so cold-shouldered. I want to know,hyung. I need to know."

Jin turned away. He violently wanted to drop the bombshell on Yoongi. To tell him how wounded he was after finding out the other didn't care for him. He really did. However, one look into those caring eyes made any doubt drift away. Yoongi WAS the most caring member of the group. He never actively expressed his feelings, but every action had a subliminal message showing concern or love for each and every member. He knew when one was upset, when they needed love, or when they wanted to rant out about the endless problems a K-pop idol faced. He was an amazing listener. He silently evaluates each concern and resolves them with the simplest and most effective solutions.

Jin struggled for days to try and find a solution to this mess.  A way to tell Yoongi how hurtful those words he uttered months ago were but not cause the other to feel remorse. Why? No matter what, all the members were his first priority. 

The only solution he could muster up was to post phone revealing what was swarming in his mind. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"How is everything going?" Hoseok smiled brightly as he entered the room. The nurse who was Heckington Yoongi's health scuttled out the room eagerly after his appearance. Jin just nodded as as reply. 

Confidently, Hoseok casually walked towards Yoongi and settled his hand behind the elders head. He softly pushed his head towards him and kissed Yoongi's lips. As if he was scalded, Yoongi jerked away.

"Don't, " Yoongi warned. Hoseok was perplexed at the command. He watched Yoongi slightly jerked his head towards Jin.  He finally understood.

" He knows we are together," Hoseok said nonchalantly " he asked me about it whilst you were passed out. You wouldn't believe me if I told you he started dancing like an idiot after finding out." Jin glared at Hoseok at the, the only answer he got was Hoseok's contagious laugh.

"What were you doing whilst I went out?" Yoongi spent the best part of 10 minutes explaining how they watched thier old performances and laughed at how insecure they used to be.

Jin spent the whole time disguising his smiles as amusement from seeing his awkward dance prior rather than happiness after realising how much he grew as an artist. He had put his own insights and compositions into many of their songs. It never occurred to him how quickly he had matured into a fine man. Despite this, he still felt compelled to leaving the group. There may be a gaping hole in the group for many months, but soon the wounds would heal and the band would phosphor tenfold without his presence weighing the group down like a heavy magnet. It was fate. And that's all Jin could care about. 

 

 

 

Some of you may notice some chapters are really detailed like this one but others aren't. 

 

I created my stories as a way to improve my story  writing for exams. Please bear with me as I slowly update these stories. I never realised how hard it is.

 


	19. The Love

"Hey hyung," Taehyung sat on top of Jin in the morning. The younger was a huge morning person, a concept Jin failed to understand. Taehyung proceeded to straddle and a cage Jin in a warm bear hug. Jin let him, there was nothing wrong in appreciating some love from time to time.

" You know,  I am still waiting to see you act in a film. I think it would be quite interesting to see you play a heartbreaker,  or a villain,  or maybe a cute older brother." Taehyung gasped" or a teacher" he grinned.

The unusual topic made Jin crane his neck in interest. Him being an actor was a topic they didn't discuss as a group as much answer each open it would be.

"I think you would be an amazing actor. It's just sad I got to become one first." Taehyung sighed sadly" I started rapping from fun and it got answer lot of attention. I know u will never be a rapper in the group though. I am a singer but I want to do more with the group. I help compose a couple of the songs but that seems to be an area reserved for the 3 rappers; all we do is just chip in from time to time. My dancing has improved a lot in these few years, but I cannot be accepted into the dance line because that has been set from the start. I go into acting and no doubt it was a success, but everyone including armies keeps shouting at me for doing so. They all say it should've been you, as you trained to become an actor and I didn't. People call me handsome and say I look out of this world, but I cannot be a visual as that was your job from the start."

Taehyung paused for a long time. Jin took it as his cue to start running the younger sister back. He never realized just how many problems the younger faced. He was always very carefree and easy going. There was no doubt he was going through hardships, from his grandma dying to family issues. Jin couldn't understand how he could keep his head up and carry on whilst Jin broke down due to a couple measly comments.

Pausing Taehyung,  Jin reached for his phone and proceeded to text. 

 

> People may condemn you for taking over my place a coupke visual and the acouokescting role, but it won't change the fact you are an incredible individual. You carry on daily forgetting your worries which is something I lack. Many people hate on me for not being handsome enough, and automatically replace you because they do not think I am worthy, but it won't hangers he fact that we are both handsome. I am proud of you for becoming an actor. You matured impressively since debut and that is not somehing I can critisise. 
> 
> Forget the hate, it has no depth.

" I hope you take your own advice" Taehyung smiled at Jin's confusion. "We all know you've been struggling with your talents and abilities since pre-debut; but it's okay, you improved as well. You are a key figure in this group hyung. You are like my parent, you care for all of us and always try to smile to make us happy. You act goofy knowing we hate it but you never stop, and I would never change that." Taehyung grinned before continuing" I love you, we all love you. BTS will never be BTS without you. Start practicing singing next month and perform with us. You don't have to sing to perform, we can improvise. As long as you are with us onstage, we will be complete".

Jin couldn't control his tears at that.

"Thanks" he mouthed. He really needed that.


	20. The Lettter

Jin slipped onto the desk and searched for a clean sheet of paper. Due to the room not being his, finding everything was thrice as hard. He was thinking about switching back to Yoongi's room, but knowing Hoseok was there now made him retreat. After succeeding, he found a nice ink pen and stared at the page. He had no clue what to write.

How did one write a resignation letter? He was tempted to phone one of the handfuls of idols who left their groups to go solo. He was completely clueless about how to approach the situation without looking emotionally unstable. Sighing, he started writing the letter.

 

Dear staff of BIGHIT,

I am writing ~~to make you aware~~ inform you of my desire to leave BTS. I have spent many months pondering my choices and have drawn the conclusion that carrying on as a singer may not be the best route for me. Due to this, I ~~will not resign with the company at the end of this year~~

Jin sighed for the umpteenth time that hour. It never occurred to him how difficult it was to write a letter of resignation. He was struggling to put his thoughts on paper, to express his true desire whilst effectively showcasing his willingness. He knew he couldn't simply say he didn't feel good enough. Their superiors would automatically spend time convincing him why that was not true. Within hours his bandmates will also become aware and attempt to convince him as well. He knew how weak he was to their wishes, the minute they would plead him to stay he would automatically agree. 

A better excuse was needed. A change in career paths, health issues, there were many options, but none of them seemed convincing enough. There was a plethora of thoughts in his head he could put in that page, yet all of them came out in a jumble. There was an eternity to send that letter to bighit. Whenever he did, it would cause chaos.

He wanted to perform with the boys one last time before he left, one more memory. He could vision the pain in thier eyes as their manager broke the saddening news. He could feel them tugging at his arm, telling him it was a mistake. He could hear their cries as he leaves the building, leaving everything in shambles. 

There was guilt deep inside of him, but he had been taught from the start that the most important person in the world was himself. Bts would always be a team, whether or not he left. He was prepared to take the blame, the hatred from the men closest to him. If that had to be done for Jin to find peace, Jin knew that one day the boy's would understand and consequently forgive him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Jin walked out of the room like nothing and walked over to put his shoes on. The members looked confused as Jin started to exit the door with them. He just shrugged them off. Although his phone was crammed with pointless videos dating from centuries back he took with the boys, it wouldn't hurt to get a few more.

None of them commented as Jin walked to the car with them, they were all too worried that Jin may turn back. It was a sign he was ready to go back on stage, so none of them dared to ruin it. 

When they arrived arrived at the studio, it was another surprise to see Jin casually plop down on the armchair and watch them warm up. Maybe he wasn't ready to start practicing,  but at least he bothered to come and watch. 

It was comical to see the shock on the dance instructor's face when he saw Jin. 

"Jin" he exclaimed as he hugged him" you gonna start dancing again". Jin just I led and shook his head.the smile on the instructor's face wavered. " Well,  maybe we can start soon ye" he said before walking off.

Jin waved him off before sitting down on the corner. His seating are meant the others couldn't see him from the mirror, giving him the freedom to film them without their knowledge.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Jungkook walked into Jin's room, looking for an adaptor to charge his new gadget. Being the idiot he was, he purchased it abroad, meaning the charging plug was different to the one in South Korea. What could he say, the price was cheaper. 

As he rummaged through the drawers, he noticed a letter held down by a soft blue paperweight. Innocently, he started reading it happily clueless until it sank in it was a letter of resignation. The light, thoughtful look on his face quickly turned sour. Harshly, he threw the letter back in the drawer, not caring if the paper creased and stormed out the room like a little child throwing a tantrum .

He felt angry at Jin,  a huge flare of frustration and annoyance at the fact that the other was so ignorant about their feelings.  Wasn't he aware the group could not carry on as 6? Did he forget about the oath they all swore to ? Did he give up all that they worked for just because of his crippling insecurity?

With a loud bang Jungkook  marched into Yoongi's room. For once the elder was actually in there. 

"Jin's leaving the group", Jungkook blurted out before Yoongi could even look up. Yh3 older took a second to react.

"Huh" he replied dumbly, taking out his earplugs.

"Hyung's written a draft letter of resignation and wants to quit bangtan" Jungkook repeated. At that , Yoongi stood up.

"What! Why would he do  that?" Yoongi exclaimed. They all were aware Jin was not in the best of conditions, but to abruptly decide to leave was a bit extreme. There had been many times Yoongi himself doubted staying in the group would help them prosper, especially during their debut days. He had originally signed as a producer for the company, but after Bang Shihyuk convinced him to apply for bts he became an idol. 

He had always thought that his presence in bts was unnecessary, that he was addition to the group they could do without. Even if he left the group, they could still carry on as 6. If he left the group, he could still produce songs for them. Due to this he initially thought that becoming a producer instead of an idol was the right option. However, after realising the addictive euphoria when performing onstage was all he ever wanted,  he threw away those mindless thoughts all andcarried on with the group. 

" We need to convince him otherwise. He is just being stupid. But let's not jump to conclusions, we do not know when he wrote that letter. Maybe he doesn't want to leave the group right now." Yoongi tried to calm Jungkook down. The younger was shaking from uncertainty and the fact that he may be left abandoned. 

"But hyung, don't you realise? Jin was taking videos all througuht practice.  Don't you see? He was making memories so that when he leaves, he has videos to look back on. He's preparing to leave hyung!" Jungkook was becoming restless by now. Why couldn't his hyung understand how serious this was.

"Then we convince him not to." He said casually, too casually. Just as Jungkook marched was about to retort, he slowly explained how everyone could subtly show their appreciation for him. Yoongi privately messaged all the members as well.


	21. The Peace

Jungkook led Jin to a large cave. The inside was littered with rubbish but Jungkook had cleared most of it before they both had arrived. A strong scent of sea salt filled the cave and wrapped around their senses, dimly lit candles surrounded them. The soft glow surrounding them and the calming sound of the waves made a humongous impact on the aura.

As they cuddled under the blacket whilst watching the night, Jungkook subconsciously sang the lyrics to RAIN. The song had always been calming to him, a breath of fresh air. Jin slowly turned to him, listening him as the words floated though the air and disappeared into the waves like sea foam. It reminded him of their debut days, they would always be singing throughout the day to practice their vocals.  Even if thir throat was dry and their mouths hurt, they all kept persevering. 

"I can't wait till you come on stage with us again", Jungkook started talking " it was nice having you up there with us. I absolutely loved your hearts hyung,  all the fans did as well. They all kept asking for you, it's everywhere on the Internet. They know you won't be with us for the next comeback and now they are worried you may leave the group. Please don't. I don't think bts could carry on without you".

Jin shook his head adamantly at that. No, he typed out, you guys would do fine without me. I don't bring anything significant into the group, and it's exhausting to always be the untalented member. Even if I wasn't part you the group, you all would be where-.

Jungkook prevented Jin from writing any more.

 _"Remember when I was ill a few weeks after I joined, and I was too scared to tell any of you guys so I carried on. Before I could even start dancing you took me to a corner  and told me to rest. I was to scared to disobey you so we both went home. Do you remember how you put movie on the tv and we watched it together. You made me my lunch and let me choose what to eat. Do you remember how I stuck to you after that because you were my favourite hyung?_ "

He stopped to let Jin think.

_" How about when Jimin was complaining about having to tanning his skin for our debut, and how insecure he was about being so dark. You told him he still looked handsome and how he should eat all his meals because our fans would be worried. You never complained about Namjoon breaking stuff in our dorm, instead told him how to avoid being a clutch.  You have done a lot hyung, and without you we would be unstable."_

Jin looked away then, staring into the distance at those memories. Back then life had been so difficult, but none of them realised how easy it was. Despite having to work thrice as hard to earn any money, none of them had the stress fame led to. They were not scrutinized by the public for every action they did. They cared less about being perfect, but more about achieving something. Life soon got easier, but at the same time it got harder. In a way, giving up the idol life throws away the thousands of hours he spent in the studio, but that may be the best solution.

In the modest of procrastinating, he heard Jungkook sing _...._.   It was a song the elder had sung many times when he felt all hope was lost. He distinctively remembered singing it to Jungkook when the younger first got scolded for his incapability to sing on front of others. That was the first time the younger dared to talk to the other members, choosing from then on to glue himself to Jin's side. The memory made him smile.

 Slowly, Jungkooks  voice drifted away, losing the sound to the soothing timbres of the wind. Jin could tell he was beginning to stop singing. He loved that song.

Just as Jungkook was about to completely stop singing, he hummed softly. The alien sound caused Jungkook to whip his head around in surprise. Too busy hypnotised by the rhythmic waves, Jin carried on humming the tune. Jungkook just watched. 

Jin whispered the noted of the song, a soft trickle of sound that Jungkook could barley make sense of. Gently, Jin lowered his head onto Jungkooks neck, entwining thier arms together in a loving lock. Too scared to utter the wrong words, Jungkook just listened. An audience for the performer. He started singing on the last verse, creating a sweet duet purifying the salty air. 

As the last words drifted away,  they sat in silence whilst basking in each other's  presence. After several minutes of calmness, Jungkook plucked up the courage to ask Jin the burning question.

"Will you leave bangtan?" He asked calmly, his act only being deceived by the shaky last syllable. 

Jin turned to him, his head still nested on the youngers shoulder. His eyes drifted to Jungkook lips, subconsciously bringinghis face closer. Their lips met halfway. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pssssst 

I need help.

There are 2 ao3 fics I read ages ago that I cannot find :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:

 

If any of you know the title or anything please comment somewhere.

Thanks

Here are the descriptions.

1

Here I think sugakookie is married or something similar. Yoongi works with Namjoon as some sort of detective and Jungkook is always home. Yoongi has been spending years looking for this hacker or something like that who they cannot find. They manage to find out the guys name is Seokjin, but it turns out this Seokjin guy is a random guy the real hacker payed to take his identity, so the hacker can stay hidden. Long story short Yoongi and Joonie manage to find out the hacker thingy dude is in this warehouse so they go to investigate. Yoongi is running out to catch the criminal when he sees it Jungkook and is like" omg kook ur the criminal" . Blablablah a bit of a face off with both talking about betrayal until kook shoots Yoongi and runs away.

This below is the sequal i am pretty sure.

Namjoon doesn't know kooks the killer or the criminal so the funeral and everything goes on  abf hr comforts and pays no mind to kook until Namjoon discovers it's Kook. When he gets caught kookies like "kill me so I don't have to remember I killed my husband" and joons like "no you will rot in prison and remmember how heartless you were"

I can't find it and I have been searching for ages. I pray the fic hasn't been deleted.

2

Jin has gone about his life always a being attacked by demons other people cannot see. Stumbles into a temple and realises these demons can't get him in there. This fox spirit thing called Yoongi in the temple  claims jin is this god figure which is why he is always getting attacked and the Temple he is in rn is his. Vmin are twin child fox spirits with red and blue eyes and have been taught by yoogi since they were born to serve Jin.  Jin I insults them when he meets them and says they are freaks.  They cry and run to yoongi and Yoongi pets them and stuff and it's cute OHHHMAHHHGAWWWD.  

Also ther eis this part where yoongi gives jin a handjobs whalsit he is bathing and jin runs away after and calls yoogi a sex fiend.

There is this bad demon called Namjoon who l

If you do know a fic that follows a similar plot please comment it below and stuff.

 

I updated chapter 20 btw.

♡♡


	22. The Begining

Jungkook slowly opened the front door, mindful to avoid the creaky step just in front of the door. slyly, he entered the dorm. A painfully loud creek sliced through the eerily quite dorm. In reaction to the noise, Jungkook whipped his head around, coming face-to-face with Jin's guilty expression. 'sssshhhh', Jungkook mouthed under his breath, eyes wide with force. Jin very carefully closed the front door, slipping the door through the hinge very softly to avoid the crisp 'click' that always without a doubt alerted anyone in the household of an arrival. The door closed soundly. Jin sighed in relief.

Eloquently, Jungkook slipped his hands on top of Jin's, entwining their fingers so they were connected. He bowed his head right after initiating the bold move because of the embarrassment he felt. Avoiding Jin's curious gaze, he guided him to Jungkook's room, the closest room from the door. The room was also conveniently the only private room in the house.

Softly closing the door behind him, jungkook turned on his lamp so the room was lit with a soft haze opposed to a glaring light. Still avoiding jins gaze, he searched the wardrobe for some simple joggers and tee. He threw them carelessly in Jin's direction before taking off his shirt and changing into shorts, keeping his torso bare. He didn't miss the way Jin eyed his stomach.

Both climbed up the ladder onto the small single bed on top. The inconvenient size of the bed gave Jin an excuse to lay on top of Jungkook. Resting his head on Jungkook's chest, Jin patted Jungkook's abdomen affectionately, eliciting a snort from Jungkook.

 "Good night hyung," Jungkook whispered,  reaching over the bed to turn off the light.

"Good night," Jin whispered back.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"So where did you and hyung go last night?" Jimin asked, smacking Jungkook's head as he walked past. He casually ate an apple, ignoring Jungkook's snort of disbelief. 

" how did you know?" Jungkook asked. 

Jimin rolled his eyes, you guys weren't very secretive were you? Instead of leaving in the middle of the day when we are all awake enough to notice your disappearance, maybe try disappearing in the middle of the night?"

"Oh" Jungkook replied dumbly.

 "So are you two dating" Jimin whipped around, catching Jungkook off guard once again.

"W-well.. um .... maybe .... yes?" Jungkook stuttered. To be fair he had no ckue either. All he was aware of was the fact the two had started brewing a romance, they had yet to even thing of being official.

"Oooh, so we have jinkook and sope then?" Jimin said in wonder. "Looks like we are the first group to have members dating inside them."

"Wait, Yoongi and Hoseok hyung are a thing?" Jungkook once again was speachless.

At that remark, Jimin slapped Jungkook once again."Kookie, have you been living under a rock? They have been together for at least a month!"

 


	23. The Rebirth

 

Jin confidently sat in front of the camera, turning on the camera. After a huge discussion with his teammates and company, they agreed to allow Jin to do a live broadcast.  He wanted to express himself to his fans, army. They deserved an explanation after his hiatus for 6 months; after everything they'd done for him, it was the least he could do to pay them back.

After the night he spent with Jungkook, his whole motive changed. He felt like a bird being let out of its cage. He felt free. Not having the voice to speak leaves people hopeless because of their inability to communicate with their peers normally, however, his silence left jin feeling the opposite. People tried harder to talk to him, to make him respond, they were more eager for his opinions, knowing that he won't respond. It left the people surrounding him helpless, yearning for his attention. He spent the majority of his hiatus in his room, cocooned in a blanket watching and rewatching their performances. He secretly practicing when he knew no one was home, and the minute he would hear the slightest noise he would cower back into bed, like a child, before retreating back to the hardwood floor to practice even more. The routine was as strenuous as it sounded. As time slowly went on Jin started to question exactly what he was so afraid of back then. Was it the fact that the other members would see he was still diligent to the group when they were convinced he may leave? Was it because he craved the praise he got after showing them the fluidity of his dance despite him not dancing for "2" months? Whatever it was, Jin couldn't remember anymore. 

The night with Jungkook shifted something in Jin. Instead of Jin being the carer, it was Jungkook for once. It felt nice to be cared for, to be the one in need. Throughout the night they whispered sweet nothings into each other's ears, exchanging compliments and secretly discussing affairs within the group. Jin even dared to give Jungkook a glimpse into his mind, into the inner turmoil he was currently facing. The feedback he received changed everything. In comparison to Jungkook's love, the negative thoughts that clouded his mind seemed microscopic.

The very next day, he sat down with the other members for the first time in weeks and openly discussed his problems. Slowly, and after hours of debate, they figured out that it would be best for Jin to slowly be introduced back into the spotlight. Thankfully, their comeback wasn't scheduled for another month. One of the ideas Jin had come up during the discussion was a vlive, something that almost immediately faced the backlash

 

 "So its time I told you guys about what has been happening"Jin started nervously. He would be his usual bubbly and arrogant self but for once his personality didn't suit the topic. " I'll start off with what happened when I ran away."  
  
He paused again to recollect his thoughts. Jin had already practiced his monologue twice too.. but he still struggled to form a coherent sentence.  
  
"Even though I have known for the longest time that you guys love me and have and will carry on supporting me throughout my whole career, there was a time I just felt lacking as a person let alone an artist. When you are in the spotlight all the time with every move you make is being documented, you realize very quickly how insecure you can become. Every mistake I make is recorded and noted down, so from the very beginning I have been striving for perfection. I have been striving to become this godlike figure who is perfect at dancing, perfect at singing and has the most desirable personality. You may not see it on camera but I started to become a person that didn't meet those expectations.  
  
  
  
"Over a period of time, I just gave up on everything. One day I decided that this was not a life I deserved to live and I ran away, worrying everyone along the way and causing a mass destruction. I am here to apologize to everyone that was concerned from the bottom of my heart."Jin had to take a deep breath after saying that. Now that he had started, ther was no going back. His emotions were now going to be completely exposed,

 

However, i would not take it back. Along the way, I learned to love myself again and to cherish the small things in life. Even though my mental state was very poor I became a better and happier version of myself that you guys see in front of you. It may be hard to believe but it is the truth. I wanted to take some time to tell all of my viewers that its ok not to be okay. Yes, there is constant pressure on every single one of you to live up to expectations, and pressure is good. However please spend some time looking after yourself and don't ever overwork yourself. Don't fear to be a burden when you want to speak about your troubles because that's exactly what I did, and as you guys saw, I didn't benefit from it."

 

 

**Author's Note:**

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